I called 17 to get the number for Liberty Books. I knew the number had changed from 1-7 to something two digits longer but I couldn't remember what it was. And after it had changed, when I'd call 17 the recording would just tell me the new number.
So I called 17.
And the recorded voice said, "Asalaam-o-alaikum. The number you dailed is not listed. Please contact Inquiry 17 for assistance."
Thanks. A lot.
Also, the number is now 1217. Just so you know.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Call me!
I actually read about this in the newspaper (don't be so shock-and-awed, I only read the front page, once a month) last Saturday and I've been meaning to relay this since but I'm just really lazy. Haw.
Here's a dosage of fun politics for this month:
Now, we all know that after the terror attacks in Mumbai relations between Pakistan an India have been not-that-great. And while we, the everyday citizens, aren't very much affected by this, oh man you can bet that our government is definitely shook up!
Here's what happened: One fine day two weeks back, the government is up to it's usual business, you know, trying to run the country. And this is when the phone rings. It's for President Zardari. It's from India. The caller is the Indian External Affairs Minister- Pranab Mukherjee (I know, awesome name).
Now in case you didn't know this already, calling the President of a country isn't just a pick-and-dial affair. There is a protocol that is followed for all calls to the President. This is basically where they make sure you are who you say you are by making you hold a long while and transferring your call to a bunch of people who take your information and confirm that the call is being made in full honesty.
Not the case this time. I suppose the presidential staff was just so excited at the thought of call from India they decided to skip this routine for once and in no time at all Zardari was on the phone with Mukherjee. This is possibly how the call went:
Encouraged by the success of his call to Zardari and possibly giggling to himself, the caller decides to take a jab at America as well. This time he wants to talk to Condoleeza Rice. But the U.S. is smart and doesn't forward the call. Meanwhile Condoleeza is busy with the phone, too! She's calling up Mr. Mukherjee wanting to know what's going on. Mr. Mukherjee drops a metaphoric bomb- He didn't make any calls to President Zardari. Turns out it was all a hoax.
BESSSSTT! The guy who made the calls must have had the time of his life! How well his plan fell through! The whole world thought that two nuclear nations were about to go to war just because one call wasn't checked through properly! GOOD JOB, PAKISTAN.
And this is how Zardari and his staff made a joke of themselves and their country all across the entire goddamn world.
Creates hope for even the worst prank callers ever, doesn't it?
Here's a dosage of fun politics for this month:
Now, we all know that after the terror attacks in Mumbai relations between Pakistan an India have been not-that-great. And while we, the everyday citizens, aren't very much affected by this, oh man you can bet that our government is definitely shook up!
Here's what happened: One fine day two weeks back, the government is up to it's usual business, you know, trying to run the country. And this is when the phone rings. It's for President Zardari. It's from India. The caller is the Indian External Affairs Minister- Pranab Mukherjee (I know, awesome name).
Now in case you didn't know this already, calling the President of a country isn't just a pick-and-dial affair. There is a protocol that is followed for all calls to the President. This is basically where they make sure you are who you say you are by making you hold a long while and transferring your call to a bunch of people who take your information and confirm that the call is being made in full honesty.
Not the case this time. I suppose the presidential staff was just so excited at the thought of call from India they decided to skip this routine for once and in no time at all Zardari was on the phone with Mukherjee. This is possibly how the call went:
Z: Good evening, Mukherjee. It is so nice to receive a call-That's quite close to how it apparently did happen! Anyways, Zardari, God bless him, decides to take immediate action. In seconds Pakistan's entire defense has been notified and put on red-alert. There is even thought of transferring the Pakistani troops from the Afghani border to the Indian one. After making the country as safe as possible, Zardari also apparently decided to call him best friend for a bit and tell him what's up, too. This I find very sweet and relate-able. Zardari, I didn't expect this from you.
M: We're going to attack Pakistan.
Z: Wha-?
M: If you don't take action towards the terrorist happenings in Mumbai say bye-bye to your country.
Z: Uh.
M: Well, good bye.
Encouraged by the success of his call to Zardari and possibly giggling to himself, the caller decides to take a jab at America as well. This time he wants to talk to Condoleeza Rice. But the U.S. is smart and doesn't forward the call. Meanwhile Condoleeza is busy with the phone, too! She's calling up Mr. Mukherjee wanting to know what's going on. Mr. Mukherjee drops a metaphoric bomb- He didn't make any calls to President Zardari. Turns out it was all a hoax.
BESSSSTT! The guy who made the calls must have had the time of his life! How well his plan fell through! The whole world thought that two nuclear nations were about to go to war just because one call wasn't checked through properly! GOOD JOB, PAKISTAN.
And this is how Zardari and his staff made a joke of themselves and their country all across the entire goddamn world.
Creates hope for even the worst prank callers ever, doesn't it?
Monday, December 8, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Wrong!
I find the phrase 'the cat's out of the bag' very disturbing. Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
Why would anyone ever bag a cat?
It's very wrong.
Please let all your cats out of their bags.
Why would anyone ever bag a cat?
It's very wrong.
Please let all your cats out of their bags.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Economics doesn't teach me what to think. It teaches me how to think.
Breaking News on TV last week said that the Financial Minister hopes that the inflation rate will not rise any further.
Yeah, dude, join the club.
I think I now know why Pakistan is facing this recession and why it's economy has never really been able to flourish as much as it could have. Here's my theory: it is all the fault of our film industry. Yes, I'm talking about you, Lollywood.
I feel it is beyond the ordinary, human ability of counting how many songs in how many movies feature often well-built hero-heroine couples dancing, singing, running, and playing in fields of wheat. Just as wheat is a food staple in the country, kicking about in wheat while singing to your Shabbo is an entertainment staple in our films. What I fail to understand is why do they always have to take this destructive joy to the crops? Why can't they just be like normal people and dance in a cleared space in their dining room or in the lawn?
Why must they crush our agriculture?
Pakistan is an agriculture-based, developing country. Now what do you expect will happen when all these idiots-in-love decide to trample all over our main provider of money? Of course there will be inflation! Geez, only the illiterate 'artists' in our film industry wouldn't know that.
Right now, what I really expect is Meera to be paying the extra 4 rupees on what used to be a 2 rupee roti. You're the fat-ass who danced over God knows how many acres of wheat. Pay up.
Yeah, dude, join the club.
I think I now know why Pakistan is facing this recession and why it's economy has never really been able to flourish as much as it could have. Here's my theory: it is all the fault of our film industry. Yes, I'm talking about you, Lollywood.
I feel it is beyond the ordinary, human ability of counting how many songs in how many movies feature often well-built hero-heroine couples dancing, singing, running, and playing in fields of wheat. Just as wheat is a food staple in the country, kicking about in wheat while singing to your Shabbo is an entertainment staple in our films. What I fail to understand is why do they always have to take this destructive joy to the crops? Why can't they just be like normal people and dance in a cleared space in their dining room or in the lawn?
Why must they crush our agriculture?
Pakistan is an agriculture-based, developing country. Now what do you expect will happen when all these idiots-in-love decide to trample all over our main provider of money? Of course there will be inflation! Geez, only the illiterate 'artists' in our film industry wouldn't know that.
Right now, what I really expect is Meera to be paying the extra 4 rupees on what used to be a 2 rupee roti. You're the fat-ass who danced over God knows how many acres of wheat. Pay up.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Yes, he did!
OBAMA WON!
I've been trying to make this post since eighteen hours now, but load-shedding, lousy internet connectivity and school have been a hindrance. Well here it is now:
HURRAH! He has won! I did not even know how much I liked him until I saw on TV that he's won and that was when I apparently shrieked and jumped around the entire house. That's according to my mother, I do not remember this and I do not understand it, either. I mean it's not even like he's become the Pakistani president or anything (if only!).
Anyways, all I care for is that stuttering, old racist John "Maverick" McCain and paradoxical anti-woman Sarah "Read My Lipstick" Palin have not won
Finally a chance to sing in celebration Javeria and mine rendition of James Blunt's "Goodbye, My Lover" (it goes "Obama Lover/ Obama's friend". We can be professional lyricists). Oh, the joy!
I've been trying to make this post since eighteen hours now, but load-shedding, lousy internet connectivity and school have been a hindrance. Well here it is now:
HURRAH! He has won! I did not even know how much I liked him until I saw on TV that he's won and that was when I apparently shrieked and jumped around the entire house. That's according to my mother, I do not remember this and I do not understand it, either. I mean it's not even like he's become the Pakistani president or anything (if only!).
Anyways, all I care for is that stuttering, old racist John "Maverick" McCain and paradoxical anti-woman Sarah "Read My Lipstick" Palin have not won
Finally a chance to sing in celebration Javeria and mine rendition of James Blunt's "Goodbye, My Lover" (it goes "Obama Lover/ Obama's friend". We can be professional lyricists). Oh, the joy!
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Illustrating the URL
My biggest pet peeve is the phrase 'pet peeve'.
Other than that something I really quite hate, as does Naveen, are textbooks trying to be funny. Do you know what a textbook is? It's something they force you to read in school. So that you can be educated. And while I love being educated I do not like that fact that these books always try to be so interesting when they're just NOT. Like how Naveen's Biology book says [not word-perfect] "So the water you're drinking has actually been through someone else's body!"
My Business Studies book does that too. And it's really very annoying how the authors add all these exclamation marks at the end of their supposedly funny sentences. I might have actually found something funny if there hadn't been that punctuation mark there telling me that the guy penned the line down just for me to laugh at. That's just trying too hard, babe.
These people just need to know that they're writing a textbook. And seeing little exclamation marks scattered about the page will not make us think "Oh, wow, how interesting! I love this book, let me read another chapter or two!" Obviously it's been a long while since they were our age. They've forgotten how we think.
What I do find funny, however, is the name of the lady who wrote my Business Studies book. Karen Borrington. How appropriate, that book is like my Xanax.
Other than that something I really quite hate, as does Naveen, are textbooks trying to be funny. Do you know what a textbook is? It's something they force you to read in school. So that you can be educated. And while I love being educated I do not like that fact that these books always try to be so interesting when they're just NOT. Like how Naveen's Biology book says [not word-perfect] "So the water you're drinking has actually been through someone else's body!"
My Business Studies book does that too. And it's really very annoying how the authors add all these exclamation marks at the end of their supposedly funny sentences. I might have actually found something funny if there hadn't been that punctuation mark there telling me that the guy penned the line down just for me to laugh at. That's just trying too hard, babe.
These people just need to know that they're writing a textbook. And seeing little exclamation marks scattered about the page will not make us think "Oh, wow, how interesting! I love this book, let me read another chapter or two!" Obviously it's been a long while since they were our age. They've forgotten how we think.
What I do find funny, however, is the name of the lady who wrote my Business Studies book. Karen Borrington. How appropriate, that book is like my Xanax.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Undercover idiot
I can't believe I never got around to writing about this! You see, last week there was a terrorist attack on the Quaid-e-Azam International Airport, Karachi!
Do let me convey to you this remarkable story of courage, clothing, and astounding cleverness.
So, what happened is, this guy, he decides, Y'know what, I'll bomb the airport! Mindless terrorism is so in vogue these days. Now this person who we're talking about was obviously very gifted with intelligence. Inspired by the Lal Masjid incident he grabs his bombing equipment, whatever that might be, and gets to the airport... disguised in a full burqa! He's like, Well, of course no one will suspect I'm a MAN in a burqa, and then I can just get into the airport without stirring up any suspicion. They probably won't even give me a proper security check because of this attire!
Very smart.
So, he gets into the airport. In his burqa. He goes over to some counter to get his tickets/ check in/ whatever (it wasn't specified in the news, sorry). And at the counter he goes and stands in a line in his burqa. He goes and stands in his burqa, in the men's line. Not the women's. In the men's line, in a burqa.
Needless to say, he was caught, stripped and revealed as being, indeed, a man.
A man, and an idiot.
So what do you learn from this, boys and girls? I'd say the lesson taught by all this is that boys and burqas do not go together. This combination did not work out for the Lal Masjid leader. And it did not work out for this suicide bomber.
This may be a new form of terrorism. Making people laugh themselves to their deaths. Although I did not watch BBC to see how much they were enjoying this novel piece of news. They definitely had a blast with Lal Masjid.
Do let me convey to you this remarkable story of courage, clothing, and astounding cleverness.
So, what happened is, this guy, he decides, Y'know what, I'll bomb the airport! Mindless terrorism is so in vogue these days. Now this person who we're talking about was obviously very gifted with intelligence. Inspired by the Lal Masjid incident he grabs his bombing equipment, whatever that might be, and gets to the airport... disguised in a full burqa! He's like, Well, of course no one will suspect I'm a MAN in a burqa, and then I can just get into the airport without stirring up any suspicion. They probably won't even give me a proper security check because of this attire!
Very smart.
So, he gets into the airport. In his burqa. He goes over to some counter to get his tickets/ check in/ whatever (it wasn't specified in the news, sorry). And at the counter he goes and stands in a line in his burqa. He goes and stands in his burqa, in the men's line. Not the women's. In the men's line, in a burqa.
Needless to say, he was caught, stripped and revealed as being, indeed, a man.
A man, and an idiot.
So what do you learn from this, boys and girls? I'd say the lesson taught by all this is that boys and burqas do not go together. This combination did not work out for the Lal Masjid leader. And it did not work out for this suicide bomber.
This may be a new form of terrorism. Making people laugh themselves to their deaths. Although I did not watch BBC to see how much they were enjoying this novel piece of news. They definitely had a blast with Lal Masjid.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
"Let me hear you depoliticize my rhyme!" - K.H.
[This is what I did on chand raat. I'm such a sad, sad child.]
RePublican Display of Affection
Call the bomb squad over,
it may explode, my heart.
You are entirely beautiful,
and you also look quite smart.
And when we shake hands
it is I who is Palin'.
Ignore the sound in the background
that's just the Bhutto fans still wailing.
They say I killed my wife
but I'm only guilty of killing her with love.
The kind I can offer to you,
I do possess quite enough.
So don't just clasp my hand,
c'mere into my open arms
Like the Marriott my heart is aflame,
can't you hear the fire alarms?
Oh my anti-feminist, book-banning,
deer-shooting Republican
When I looked into your eyes
I realised you're no ordinary woman
So, you see...
The country is in peril
My love for you is feral
They wish I'd become sterile
Oil prices rises by the barrel.
But love is, after all, blind
Plus, I'm known to have lost my mind
Yet, Pakistan is not too kind
So I'll just kiss American behind.
Call the bomb squad over,
it may explode, my heart.
You are entirely beautiful,
and you also look quite smart.
And when we shake hands
it is I who is Palin'.
Ignore the sound in the background
that's just the Bhutto fans still wailing.
They say I killed my wife
but I'm only guilty of killing her with love.
The kind I can offer to you,
I do possess quite enough.
So don't just clasp my hand,
c'mere into my open arms
Like the Marriott my heart is aflame,
can't you hear the fire alarms?
Oh my anti-feminist, book-banning,
deer-shooting Republican
When I looked into your eyes
I realised you're no ordinary woman
So, you see...
The country is in peril
My love for you is feral
They wish I'd become sterile
Oil prices rises by the barrel.
But love is, after all, blind
Plus, I'm known to have lost my mind
Yet, Pakistan is not too kind
So I'll just kiss American behind.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Oh, how hard he works
While there have been reported to be 21 suicide bombers in Karachi and 10 vans full of explosives driving around the whole of Pakistan at a time, President Zardari is out in America, attending UNO conferences and trying to find a place is Sarah Palin's arms.
How nice.
How nice.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Animal abuse
If I see another movie featuring penguins, or lions, or squirrels, or giraffes, or zebras, or cows, or dogs, or cats, or rats, or hippos, or lemurs, or koalas, or monkeys, or pigs, or pandas, or chickens, or snakes, or sharks, or octopi, or shrimps, or seals, or mammoths, or mice, or ants, or apes, or bears, or beavers indulging in human actions/activities such as talking, dancing, singing, or- especially- driving any sort of vehicle, I will go MAD.
There are only so many animal movies a person can watch. I have reached my quota.
Also, I realised today as Coco attacked the computer's mouse that the clicking of buttons on the mouse kind of resembles poking its butt. Who was the freak who designed this thing?
There are only so many animal movies a person can watch. I have reached my quota.
Also, I realised today as Coco attacked the computer's mouse that the clicking of buttons on the mouse kind of resembles poking its butt. Who was the freak who designed this thing?
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Move aside, polar bears
Here's a fact for you: The temperature in a whale's stomach is around 40 degrees c.
And it's been so hot here these days that the temperatures are up to 42 degrees c. That means it's hotter than a whale's stomach over here!!!
I have a feeling that perhaps the whole city of Karachi just got swallowed by a misguided, hungry whale and we just don't know it yet.
It is possible. We are right on the coastline.
And it's been so hot here these days that the temperatures are up to 42 degrees c. That means it's hotter than a whale's stomach over here!!!
I have a feeling that perhaps the whole city of Karachi just got swallowed by a misguided, hungry whale and we just don't know it yet.
It is possible. We are right on the coastline.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Now I have to go to school
What the heck, Zardari? You've only been President for one day now and already you're messing stuff up! IF OUR PROVINCIAL GOVERNMENT WANTS TO GIVE US A HOLIDAY IN CELEBRATION OF YOUR BECOMING PRESIDENT WHY DO YOU HAVE TO INTERFERE, HUH? Why can't you just let us be happy that you're here now to end what is left of Pakistan? WHY?
God, give a man some power and he goes nuts.
God, give a man some power and he goes nuts.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
QUICK!
Alarm clocks are pagans. I have decided this on the basis that because of them I have missed one roza and nearly missed a second one as well. I didn't miss the second one because my mother woke up at the time of sehri and realised that she could not hear the sound of her household preparing for the day's fifteen-hour fast. So she woke us up.
I've been reading The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time and I think Christopher would make an excellent Muslim. I mean imagine how easy it would be for him to keep a fast! He never lies to begin with and he can go for days without food just because he saw four yellow cars drive past in a row! Wow, he'd be a better Muslim than me.
Oh and today Asif Zardari became our President. I know for a fact that he can not keep rozas. This is because he is a politician. A Pakistani politician. And as of today, as previously mentioned, not just any Pakistani politician but also the PRESIDENT of Pakistan. So he obviously lies far too much to be able to keep fast.
He is also mentally unfit and mentally unfit people can not fast, either. This comes from a news item I saw on TV a couple of weeks back. Apparently some British newspaper has accused Zardari of being insane in the most medical meaning of the word. They based this diagnosis on a fact, among many, that Zardair has memory problems and can not remember his children's birthdays, even. Seriously.
But I do not think Zardari was upset when he found out about this. I mean, it must have been rad for him to hear that people now think that he has memory problems!
I've been reading The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time and I think Christopher would make an excellent Muslim. I mean imagine how easy it would be for him to keep a fast! He never lies to begin with and he can go for days without food just because he saw four yellow cars drive past in a row! Wow, he'd be a better Muslim than me.
Oh and today Asif Zardari became our President. I know for a fact that he can not keep rozas. This is because he is a politician. A Pakistani politician. And as of today, as previously mentioned, not just any Pakistani politician but also the PRESIDENT of Pakistan. So he obviously lies far too much to be able to keep fast.
He is also mentally unfit and mentally unfit people can not fast, either. This comes from a news item I saw on TV a couple of weeks back. Apparently some British newspaper has accused Zardari of being insane in the most medical meaning of the word. They based this diagnosis on a fact, among many, that Zardair has memory problems and can not remember his children's birthdays, even. Seriously.
But I do not think Zardari was upset when he found out about this. I mean, it must have been rad for him to hear that people now think that he has memory problems!
"What's that Nawaz Sharif? I promised restoration of the judges in this week? Hm, well I just can't seem to remember ever saying that..."
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Quaid-e-Azam + Silk Pajamas = Pakistan
YAY! Independence Day today!!!
So we may not be able to freely celebrate today, and we may not be truly independent from the shackles of the British (may I point to the posts I made during my exams?), and we may be facing a takeover by the Taliban and a try at terrorist eradication by the Americans but now you are to forget all that and know that today is the day that Pakistan turns 61!
Though Pakistan is kind of developmentally challenged, wouldn't you agree? I mean, shouldn't he (I know Pakistan is supposed to be a she but I like calling her a he, and it's fully possible that she's a transsexual and we're hurting her feelings) have been a lot more changed now from how he was in 1947? He's already reached the age of retirement and he's still stuck in the teenage phase!
Thinking about it, isn't Pakistan also sort of the unwanted child of a dysfunctional home? Those politician's really don't want to help the country very much, they just seem to want to just adopt the kid and then run off with his trust fund. Wow. He's a messed up little country. No wonder I love him so much!
Let's just hug Pakistan and hope for the best.
And all those burger people need to drop their Amrikan attitudes for just today, please. Please. Thank you.
And by the way, that stupid Geo ad for Independence Day is very messed up. You're not supposed to be swinging your arms around like an idiot when you're singing the National Anthem. Atleast not when you're coming on TV!
HEY did you notice that this post is also my 50th post? I don't think you can, but it totally indicates so on my blogger.com dashboard! HOW EXCELLENT!
See, Pakistan? This is how much I love you. Let's waltz!
So we may not be able to freely celebrate today, and we may not be truly independent from the shackles of the British (may I point to the posts I made during my exams?), and we may be facing a takeover by the Taliban and a try at terrorist eradication by the Americans but now you are to forget all that and know that today is the day that Pakistan turns 61!
Though Pakistan is kind of developmentally challenged, wouldn't you agree? I mean, shouldn't he (I know Pakistan is supposed to be a she but I like calling her a he, and it's fully possible that she's a transsexual and we're hurting her feelings) have been a lot more changed now from how he was in 1947? He's already reached the age of retirement and he's still stuck in the teenage phase!
Thinking about it, isn't Pakistan also sort of the unwanted child of a dysfunctional home? Those politician's really don't want to help the country very much, they just seem to want to just adopt the kid and then run off with his trust fund. Wow. He's a messed up little country. No wonder I love him so much!
Let's just hug Pakistan and hope for the best.
And all those burger people need to drop their Amrikan attitudes for just today, please. Please. Thank you.
And by the way, that stupid Geo ad for Independence Day is very messed up. You're not supposed to be swinging your arms around like an idiot when you're singing the National Anthem. Atleast not when you're coming on TV!
HEY did you notice that this post is also my 50th post? I don't think you can, but it totally indicates so on my blogger.com dashboard! HOW EXCELLENT!
See, Pakistan? This is how much I love you. Let's waltz!
Monday, August 11, 2008
Not as easy as ABC
Do the British think their kids are dyslexic? Is that why the kids' show is called CBeeBees, which is just BBC turned around?
Or maybe they're just not very creative.
Or maybe they're just not very creative.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Ain't nothing but mammals
Do you ever think that maybe the reason we have tides in the seas and oceans is because of the whales having sex? I just came up with that thought yesterday.
It could be.
While you ponder that idea, listen to this excellently relative song which I am sure you will enjoy quite a bit:
The Bad Touch - The Bloodhound Gang
It's hilarious! Believe it.
It could be.
While you ponder that idea, listen to this excellently relative song which I am sure you will enjoy quite a bit:
The Bad Touch - The Bloodhound Gang
It's hilarious! Believe it.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
You know how Andre 3000 goes in Hey Ya "Shake it like a Polaroid picture"?
And then in the Ying Yang Twins' Salt Shaker it's all about shaking it like one?
Well, I was wondering, how else can you shake it?
So I made a list:
* Like a spray can
* Like a ketchup bottle
* Like a wet dog
* Like an epileptic (excellent if you're feeling controversial)
* Like you're drying your nails
* Like a baby's rattle
* Like a handshake
Any contributions? All welcome. But you readers aren't very creative so I doubt it.
Maybe we can turn this into a song, though. We just need a filthy beat.
And just as an update, tomorrow will be the day when I am going to fully regret ever wanting to go back to school.
(Oh and I'm writing this without a mouse so I can't fill in the title. No amount of Tab-ing lets me use that field. What meanness.)
And then in the Ying Yang Twins' Salt Shaker it's all about shaking it like one?
Well, I was wondering, how else can you shake it?
So I made a list:
* Like a spray can
* Like a ketchup bottle
* Like a wet dog
* Like an epileptic (excellent if you're feeling controversial)
* Like you're drying your nails
* Like a baby's rattle
* Like a handshake
Any contributions? All welcome. But you readers aren't very creative so I doubt it.
Maybe we can turn this into a song, though. We just need a filthy beat.
And just as an update, tomorrow will be the day when I am going to fully regret ever wanting to go back to school.
(Oh and I'm writing this without a mouse so I can't fill in the title. No amount of Tab-ing lets me use that field. What meanness.)
Friday, August 1, 2008
Help.
Last night I banged my head on the kitchen cabinet and burned my hand.
I feel I might be in some really crap sitcom. While I microwaved some water for this morning's Joshanda I looked around the house trying to find the hidden cameras. I couldn't see any.
Then I opened the microwave and found out that I'd forgotten to pour any water into my mug.
I feel I might be in some really crap sitcom. While I microwaved some water for this morning's Joshanda I looked around the house trying to find the hidden cameras. I couldn't see any.
Then I opened the microwave and found out that I'd forgotten to pour any water into my mug.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Thandi Cough-y
I have bruises on my elbow and wrist, an incredibly sore throat, a fever (I can't sweat out- marry me now, Brendon, I advertised your album!) and I can't stop sneezing.
I think I may have a psychological disorder.
See, my theory is that the reason I'm falling sick and down stairs is because I'm doing this to myself subconsciously. Because school's opening next week and deepdeepdeep down I really don't want to go- so now I'm not-so-accidentally trying to get myself bed-ridden so I don't have to!
But I don't really get it, because I thought I kind of wanted to go to school. I'm fully bored out of my mind right now and YES I am so bored, I don't entirely hate the prospect of getting my butt back into those torturous desk/chairs.
Oh, God, see? Either way, I am mentally unfit for sure.
But I am missing hearing Anum go "Guess what happened in Physics?"
I think I may have a psychological disorder.
See, my theory is that the reason I'm falling sick and down stairs is because I'm doing this to myself subconsciously. Because school's opening next week and deepdeepdeep down I really don't want to go- so now I'm not-so-accidentally trying to get myself bed-ridden so I don't have to!
But I don't really get it, because I thought I kind of wanted to go to school. I'm fully bored out of my mind right now and YES I am so bored, I don't entirely hate the prospect of getting my butt back into those torturous desk/chairs.
Oh, God, see? Either way, I am mentally unfit for sure.
But I am missing hearing Anum go "Guess what happened in Physics?"
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
WTFPTCL
My phone hasn't been working for a week now and every time we'd call PTCL no one would pick up. Now I know why. PTCL is on a strike!! They won't fix my phone! My dad called one of the people from PTCL at home and he said that they're on strike and once they're off it we may take a number and wait in line for our phone to get fixed. AAAARRGH.
And then a couple of days back about 10 PTCL workers were shot by the Rangers. Thank you, kind enforcers of law, for making my situation worse. Now my phone will NEVER work! We'll have to get a new line.
Since it will be some time till I can call the 17 Operators again, all I wish for right now is some rain. I REALLY don't care about the roads. Let them be a mess. A representative of DHA said on the television that all Karachi infrastructure will be in full working order by the 15th of this month. Ofcourse, he was lying. The road outside my house still gives me the lovely, luxe feeling of living in Kachi Abadi. Anyways, even if the roads fall apart and the metropolis of Karachi is temporarily put on pause it won't be that bad. We can all just stay in for a few days! I mean, I hardly leave the house much to begin with so it shows how little I would be affected. With Anum, we can see why she may not much like the idea of rain. But I'm fine with it. We can all sit at home and read my blog.
There we go. Full-time win-win situation. Thank me later.
And then a couple of days back about 10 PTCL workers were shot by the Rangers. Thank you, kind enforcers of law, for making my situation worse. Now my phone will NEVER work! We'll have to get a new line.
Since it will be some time till I can call the 17 Operators again, all I wish for right now is some rain. I REALLY don't care about the roads. Let them be a mess. A representative of DHA said on the television that all Karachi infrastructure will be in full working order by the 15th of this month. Ofcourse, he was lying. The road outside my house still gives me the lovely, luxe feeling of living in Kachi Abadi. Anyways, even if the roads fall apart and the metropolis of Karachi is temporarily put on pause it won't be that bad. We can all just stay in for a few days! I mean, I hardly leave the house much to begin with so it shows how little I would be affected. With Anum, we can see why she may not much like the idea of rain. But I'm fine with it. We can all sit at home and read my blog.
There we go. Full-time win-win situation. Thank me later.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
"I'm drinking... um..."
What do you call coffee that goes cold sitting outside? You know, regular coffee, that you drink hot. What do you call it when it's not hot? Do you call it cold coffee? But you can't because cold coffee is another drink altogether and then it'll be like you're referring to that.
So what am I supposed to refer to it as? Not-warm-anymore coffee? Cold hot coffee? Cool coffee? None-iced cold coffee? Room temperature coffee? Cold coffee-but-not-Cold coffee?
What?
So what am I supposed to refer to it as? Not-warm-anymore coffee? Cold hot coffee? Cool coffee? None-iced cold coffee? Room temperature coffee? Cold coffee-but-not-Cold coffee?
What?
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Maha-hahahaha!
Today at Naveen's we discovered something very interesting. Apparently there's a band called 'Maha' which is also well-known as the Pakistani Evanescence. We watched their YouTube video. Here, take a nice, hard look:
YouTube- Maha- Uljhan
Hmm, now I wonder, why are they known as the Pakistani Evanescene? What ever could be the reason?
Maybe, it's because this song has the exact same music as that of Evanescene's Everybody's Fool. Sure, the guy who uploaded it has cleared that out for tone-deaf folk in the video information column, but still. If they could pick out snazzy sunglasses for the video and choreograph so well for it that the girl keeps stepping like a foot away from the mike while she's singing because she needs place to flail her arms around, could they not come up with their own music?. But let's give them credit for adding their own guitar solo in between.
Maybe, it's because the video rips off Evanescwence's Call Me When You're Sober video. With the dining bits and the whole part in front of the mirror.
Maybe, it's because the video also rips off Evanescene's Bring Me To Life video- okay, so that's just the teeny lying in bed part, but at this point I can totally use it against them.
So, well, I don't know. Why don't you tell me why this band seems so like Evanescence? Surely it can't be just the fact that it's fronted by a really fake Goth-wannabe girl. Still, you could forgive them because I suppose we should just blame the director, Khalid Manee, for the video. But did you listen to the words?
YouTube- Maha- Uljhan
Hmm, now I wonder, why are they known as the Pakistani Evanescene? What ever could be the reason?
Maybe, it's because this song has the exact same music as that of Evanescene's Everybody's Fool. Sure, the guy who uploaded it has cleared that out for tone-deaf folk in the video information column, but still. If they could pick out snazzy sunglasses for the video and choreograph so well for it that the girl keeps stepping like a foot away from the mike while she's singing because she needs place to flail her arms around, could they not come up with their own music?. But let's give them credit for adding their own guitar solo in between.
Maybe, it's because the video rips off Evanescwence's Call Me When You're Sober video. With the dining bits and the whole part in front of the mirror.
Maybe, it's because the video also rips off Evanescene's Bring Me To Life video- okay, so that's just the teeny lying in bed part, but at this point I can totally use it against them.
So, well, I don't know. Why don't you tell me why this band seems so like Evanescence? Surely it can't be just the fact that it's fronted by a really fake Goth-wannabe girl. Still, you could forgive them because I suppose we should just blame the director, Khalid Manee, for the video. But did you listen to the words?
Tum udaas ho,
main udaas hoon
main udaas hoon
You're sad/ I'm sad. I am so proud of Pakistan. This has got to be my most favorite band of all times.
But if I've got to be nice- atleast the singer sounds better than I ever will.
But if I've got to be nice- atleast the singer sounds better than I ever will.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Haippy Sinaaaps!
Photos by Naveen ZaidiI would try to compete with her artsy-ness but I do not possess the talent she does. Neither do I possess an actual camera. Donations are most welcome. Give from your wallet, not from your heart.
Start time: 9:00 a.m.; End time: 11:30 a.m.; Duration: Yo' motha...
At about 6:00 a.m on the 4th of this fine, fantastically hot month, I came up with a theory on Benazir Bhutto's death (yes, I'm still stuck on it). Anum, who I shared my revelation with, called me the Jedi Master of Bullshit. But I'm sure, dear reader, that you will be more sensitive to my thoughts and beliefs.
See, I was sitting there trying to revise for the Geography exam which was to take place in approximately 3 hours, when I looked up and saw my giant Benazir poster. If you're wondering why I have one, it's because it was incredibly cheap (20 Rs!) and so very artistic. It has a detached, translucent head of Zulfikar Ali Bhutto floating in a starry sky with his daughter standing underneath, raising her arms to the heavens, as she so enjoyed doing (very air stewardess-like, don't you think? Especially with the head scarf and jackets, too. She could have worked for PIA). You don't see posters like that very often.
So anyways, I looked up at her and I wondered- how on earth did she study as much as she did? I mean, Harvard AND Oxford? There could only be one explanation.
She was a robot.
Anum disagreed. "Robots don't die from getting shot."
So here's my theory: She most definitely was a robot. And the 'assassination'? All a set-up. See, the CIA was actually very close to figuring out about Bhutto's android actuality. So damage control was needed. If it were found out and revealed imagine the global drama that would ensue! So PPP and our government teamed up and decided to stage a fake murder to nip the CIA's ideas in the bud.
A man was hired and Benazir was shot in the neck- where her mini-brain micro-chip (ignore the lack of technical terms) was! That's why this whole thing wasn't investigated properly!
Now that I have blown this whole thing wide open let me just say that it is indeed posts like this one that reduce the credibility, merit, and over-all literary value of this blog to little more than a grain of sand.
This theory, that resembles a sieve with the many holes it has in it, you are fully invited to harp about and poke fun at. But when it all turns out to be true, you have to promise to look at the camera and say that you Are Not Smarter Than Aziza.
And speaking of flunking out of school, I am giddy with relief upon announcing that my O Levels for this year are officially over. Zia ul Haq may be giggling in his grave at my Pakistan Studies papers (sadist), but never mind: I'm A Survivor.
But not for long since the unexpected, cruel departures of the electricity about thrice a day are sure to be the death of me.
Honestly, what ever is the point of Daylight Saving? What electricity are we trying to save? It's not like we get any!
Nothing better than living in Pakistan to prepare one for the harsh cruelties of the world. You can take me to a war and I won't even flinch. We're tough, yo. And when the going gets tough, the tough slip on their suicide jackets and flip on their fake Zippos.
Jealous?
See, I was sitting there trying to revise for the Geography exam which was to take place in approximately 3 hours, when I looked up and saw my giant Benazir poster. If you're wondering why I have one, it's because it was incredibly cheap (20 Rs!) and so very artistic. It has a detached, translucent head of Zulfikar Ali Bhutto floating in a starry sky with his daughter standing underneath, raising her arms to the heavens, as she so enjoyed doing (very air stewardess-like, don't you think? Especially with the head scarf and jackets, too. She could have worked for PIA). You don't see posters like that very often.
So anyways, I looked up at her and I wondered- how on earth did she study as much as she did? I mean, Harvard AND Oxford? There could only be one explanation.
She was a robot.
Anum disagreed. "Robots don't die from getting shot."
So here's my theory: She most definitely was a robot. And the 'assassination'? All a set-up. See, the CIA was actually very close to figuring out about Bhutto's android actuality. So damage control was needed. If it were found out and revealed imagine the global drama that would ensue! So PPP and our government teamed up and decided to stage a fake murder to nip the CIA's ideas in the bud.
A man was hired and Benazir was shot in the neck- where her mini-brain micro-chip (ignore the lack of technical terms) was! That's why this whole thing wasn't investigated properly!
Now that I have blown this whole thing wide open let me just say that it is indeed posts like this one that reduce the credibility, merit, and over-all literary value of this blog to little more than a grain of sand.
This theory, that resembles a sieve with the many holes it has in it, you are fully invited to harp about and poke fun at. But when it all turns out to be true, you have to promise to look at the camera and say that you Are Not Smarter Than Aziza.
And speaking of flunking out of school, I am giddy with relief upon announcing that my O Levels for this year are officially over. Zia ul Haq may be giggling in his grave at my Pakistan Studies papers (sadist), but never mind: I'm A Survivor.
But not for long since the unexpected, cruel departures of the electricity about thrice a day are sure to be the death of me.
Honestly, what ever is the point of Daylight Saving? What electricity are we trying to save? It's not like we get any!
Nothing better than living in Pakistan to prepare one for the harsh cruelties of the world. You can take me to a war and I won't even flinch. We're tough, yo. And when the going gets tough, the tough slip on their suicide jackets and flip on their fake Zippos.
Jealous?
Monday, May 19, 2008
Some like it hot
I know I've already given my History CIE (as of this afternoon) but this issue still needs to be addressed. The names.
How can you have a name like Maulvi Tamizuddin or General Tikka Khan and be taken seriously? Just how? "Hello, I'm the Chief Martial Law Administrator for Pakistan. General Khan. Tikka Khan."
In my opinion Maulvi Tamizuddin is a great name for a male stripper and General Tikka Khan was most probably a distant relative of Mr. Burger.
But this is all a thing of the past- um, in more ways than one- and History is now a subject dead to me. Like Zia-ul-Haq! NO MORE REFORMS EVER EVER EVER AGAIN! Three more exams to go and then I can go into hibernation. Will I make it till then? I don't know. I've started spending nights singing Madonna so chances seem slim.
In far more interesting news, guess what's been happening in Nazimabad? Can't guess? Give up? I'll tell you.
I'm not sure when this happened exactly but it's quite recent. This family had robbers break into their house. The two guys stole all their stuff at gun point and then as they were leaving the family started to scream for help. All these other folk came out of the neighbouring houses and saw the robbers escaping so they ran after them, mobbed them, beat them up... and then set them on fire. No joke.
It started quite a trend, that act, because a few days later I suppose, a minibus was hijacked. This other couple of robbers took all the stuff of the travellers and as they were getting out of the bus, one of them tripped. As soon as that happened the travellers and passer-bys decided to take the matter into their own hands once again and proceeded to grab the burglars and barbecue 'em.
The people involved in this feel they were justified in lighting up the criminals because this is a time of rapid inflation. You can hardly afford stuff anymore and to have robbers take that hard-earned stuff away? Quite unbearable, surely. And it's not like our police force is of much help- they practically support the robberies! So the civilians have decided to do what they gotta do.
I suppose if this were America a story as such must be quite horrifying. But let's face it. This is Pakistan. If you don't like something, feel free to indulge in arson. 'Safety matches' happens to be quite an alien term here.
How can you have a name like Maulvi Tamizuddin or General Tikka Khan and be taken seriously? Just how? "Hello, I'm the Chief Martial Law Administrator for Pakistan. General Khan. Tikka Khan."
In my opinion Maulvi Tamizuddin is a great name for a male stripper and General Tikka Khan was most probably a distant relative of Mr. Burger.
But this is all a thing of the past- um, in more ways than one- and History is now a subject dead to me. Like Zia-ul-Haq! NO MORE REFORMS EVER EVER EVER AGAIN! Three more exams to go and then I can go into hibernation. Will I make it till then? I don't know. I've started spending nights singing Madonna so chances seem slim.
In far more interesting news, guess what's been happening in Nazimabad? Can't guess? Give up? I'll tell you.
I'm not sure when this happened exactly but it's quite recent. This family had robbers break into their house. The two guys stole all their stuff at gun point and then as they were leaving the family started to scream for help. All these other folk came out of the neighbouring houses and saw the robbers escaping so they ran after them, mobbed them, beat them up... and then set them on fire. No joke.
It started quite a trend, that act, because a few days later I suppose, a minibus was hijacked. This other couple of robbers took all the stuff of the travellers and as they were getting out of the bus, one of them tripped. As soon as that happened the travellers and passer-bys decided to take the matter into their own hands once again and proceeded to grab the burglars and barbecue 'em.
The people involved in this feel they were justified in lighting up the criminals because this is a time of rapid inflation. You can hardly afford stuff anymore and to have robbers take that hard-earned stuff away? Quite unbearable, surely. And it's not like our police force is of much help- they practically support the robberies! So the civilians have decided to do what they gotta do.
I suppose if this were America a story as such must be quite horrifying. But let's face it. This is Pakistan. If you don't like something, feel free to indulge in arson. 'Safety matches' happens to be quite an alien term here.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
"You may start your papers now, candidates. Best of luck. I'm a foxy, foxy man oh yeah."
I have deleted that strange, deluded post and am ready to write a new one! I blame lack of sleep for that one.
Anyways, I gave my first EVER EVER O Levels yesterday and three very interesting things came to my attention:
Firstly, my centre for the examinations is DA Public School and let me just say that if I have ever been disparaging of public schools in the lovely city of Karachi, I sincerely apologise (No, I'm not being sarcastic). Hold the ketchup, hold the pickles, I'm eating my words straight up. Because DA is phat! The building is what I speak of, actually. Not only is it kind of HUGE it happens to have a lawn. I know, A LAWN! I have never seen even a patch of grass growing in our school even accidentally, God forbid!
Yet the greenery is not all. This school even has a cafeteria (notice the 'fetaria' after the first two letters instead of a 'nteen'), and a ground twice the size of ours, and air-conditioners and I cannot believe the pathetic existence I have had all this time in this place I call my educational abode. Well, to be honest, I just call it my school. But, you know.
I just cannot believe how stupidly inadequate our school is compared to DA Public School.
No wonder we study and they don't. No wonder.
Secondly, there's the treatment of the candidates in the examination room. They bring in glasses of water for you during the exam! On trays! Honestly! It's like you're in a hotel or like at someone's house oh it is just so relaxing! How nice of the British Council to do so. I guess they're really trying to make amends. Or not, as I'll reveal later...
Also, did you know that you can fully drop your stuff everywhere and the invigilator will come and pick it up for you? Oh yes, he will. I now plan on dropping my pencil case atleast twice at every exam. And do not you dare feel sorry for those invigilators because they are mean! I spent almost every second in both my Second Language Urdu and Islamiyat papers smiling- smiling at my paper, at the window, at the roof, at the invigilators. And not one of them smiled back! In fact, they kind of glared at me!
I guess now my pencil case will feel a little extra suicidal. He he he.
Yes, so they really haven't given up. The British, I mean. Because we have come to the third, very interesting, very scary thing I noticed there.
Did you see? Did you see what the invigilators had to wear? Pardon me, but were we giving our papers at night and was the British Council afraid that we won't be able to see our invigilators properly? Or did the invigilators have to stand in oncoming traffic for their job? Because otherwise there is no reason- no reason at all, believe me- that ANYONE should have to wear those horrid neon-fluorescent-yellow vests made of netting!
Aaaaaaaahhhhh!!! My eyes!!!! HELLO, we're here to give an exam not be blinded by those vests! What is wrong with the British? Why are they still after us? Why must they torture us this way?
But, hmmmm, then again... those invigilators deserve it.
Anyways, I gave my first EVER EVER O Levels yesterday and three very interesting things came to my attention:
Firstly, my centre for the examinations is DA Public School and let me just say that if I have ever been disparaging of public schools in the lovely city of Karachi, I sincerely apologise (No, I'm not being sarcastic). Hold the ketchup, hold the pickles, I'm eating my words straight up. Because DA is phat! The building is what I speak of, actually. Not only is it kind of HUGE it happens to have a lawn. I know, A LAWN! I have never seen even a patch of grass growing in our school even accidentally, God forbid!
Yet the greenery is not all. This school even has a cafeteria (notice the 'fetaria' after the first two letters instead of a 'nteen'), and a ground twice the size of ours, and air-conditioners and I cannot believe the pathetic existence I have had all this time in this place I call my educational abode. Well, to be honest, I just call it my school. But, you know.
I just cannot believe how stupidly inadequate our school is compared to DA Public School.
No wonder we study and they don't. No wonder.
Secondly, there's the treatment of the candidates in the examination room. They bring in glasses of water for you during the exam! On trays! Honestly! It's like you're in a hotel or like at someone's house oh it is just so relaxing! How nice of the British Council to do so. I guess they're really trying to make amends. Or not, as I'll reveal later...
Also, did you know that you can fully drop your stuff everywhere and the invigilator will come and pick it up for you? Oh yes, he will. I now plan on dropping my pencil case atleast twice at every exam. And do not you dare feel sorry for those invigilators because they are mean! I spent almost every second in both my Second Language Urdu and Islamiyat papers smiling- smiling at my paper, at the window, at the roof, at the invigilators. And not one of them smiled back! In fact, they kind of glared at me!
I guess now my pencil case will feel a little extra suicidal. He he he.
Yes, so they really haven't given up. The British, I mean. Because we have come to the third, very interesting, very scary thing I noticed there.
Did you see? Did you see what the invigilators had to wear? Pardon me, but were we giving our papers at night and was the British Council afraid that we won't be able to see our invigilators properly? Or did the invigilators have to stand in oncoming traffic for their job? Because otherwise there is no reason- no reason at all, believe me- that ANYONE should have to wear those horrid neon-fluorescent-yellow vests made of netting!
Aaaaaaaahhhhh!!! My eyes!!!! HELLO, we're here to give an exam not be blinded by those vests! What is wrong with the British? Why are they still after us? Why must they torture us this way?
But, hmmmm, then again... those invigilators deserve it.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Maybe it's because I didn't eat anything today...
I haven't written in here in ages, as we can tell.
So time for updates:
I fully baked three batches of chocolate cupcakes this week and they all turned out exceptionally nice so aha! The girl's got her skills back!
Other than that, I have discovered a new art! Yes, really. It's called Hot Glue Gun Art due to lack of creativity while devising the name. It's pretty obvious what it's done with but let me explain how. For no other reason than to fill this post up a little. See, what you do is, you take some thick cloth. You wash it. Don't let it dry much, so it's still a bit more than damp. And then you make stuff on it with your hot glue gun and it dries instantly cause of the cloth being wet and then you peel off your glue drawing and there you go: Plastic art.
Isn't that excellent? I know you're going to be all jealous of my discovery and say "Oh, my God, thats' so lame blah blah blah" but I love it. When I flunk my O' Levels and then drop out of school atleast I'll have this skill with me, which will- now that I think about it- really be the reason of my failing the exams because I've been too busy making plastic shit rather than studying.
I finished doing History yesterday and I am just appalled. The British SUCK. I go through this every year when I get to the end of Section B but seriously, why were they such a bitch to Pakistan? We fully deserved Firozpur and Gurdaspur and Calcutta and those losers just handed it all off to INDIA. Lord Mountabatten is so burning in Hell.
And then! And then BBC has the nerve to make documentaries about how after 60 years of independence India has progressed so much further than Pakistan.
Really, BBC? Well who's fault is that, I'd like to know?
And as if that is not enough they go ahead and INVENT THE DAMNED CAMBRIDGE INTERNATIONAL EXAMINATIONS! Like we have not suffered more than necessary already! No, it is not enough that thousands of Muslims die, that our precious land is given to India, that we are still having to deal with the effects of their stupidity, i.e The Kashmir Dispute and the whole canal headworks stuff and are largely economically handicapped because of those fools, NO. Now they have to make Pakistan's youth dent their fragile minds with book after book written by men who are obviously too single to even be human (Do you really think Nigel Kelly can have a wife?) just so we can give a stupid exam THAT THEY MAKE.
I can say I hate them. But that will not show the amount of emotion I feel towards those evil, vengeful British idiots.
And British boys aren't even hot. So, HAH!
So time for updates:
I fully baked three batches of chocolate cupcakes this week and they all turned out exceptionally nice so aha! The girl's got her skills back!
Other than that, I have discovered a new art! Yes, really. It's called Hot Glue Gun Art due to lack of creativity while devising the name. It's pretty obvious what it's done with but let me explain how. For no other reason than to fill this post up a little. See, what you do is, you take some thick cloth. You wash it. Don't let it dry much, so it's still a bit more than damp. And then you make stuff on it with your hot glue gun and it dries instantly cause of the cloth being wet and then you peel off your glue drawing and there you go: Plastic art.
Isn't that excellent? I know you're going to be all jealous of my discovery and say "Oh, my God, thats' so lame blah blah blah" but I love it. When I flunk my O' Levels and then drop out of school atleast I'll have this skill with me, which will- now that I think about it- really be the reason of my failing the exams because I've been too busy making plastic shit rather than studying.
I finished doing History yesterday and I am just appalled. The British SUCK. I go through this every year when I get to the end of Section B but seriously, why were they such a bitch to Pakistan? We fully deserved Firozpur and Gurdaspur and Calcutta and those losers just handed it all off to INDIA. Lord Mountabatten is so burning in Hell.
And then! And then BBC has the nerve to make documentaries about how after 60 years of independence India has progressed so much further than Pakistan.
Really, BBC? Well who's fault is that, I'd like to know?
And as if that is not enough they go ahead and INVENT THE DAMNED CAMBRIDGE INTERNATIONAL EXAMINATIONS! Like we have not suffered more than necessary already! No, it is not enough that thousands of Muslims die, that our precious land is given to India, that we are still having to deal with the effects of their stupidity, i.e The Kashmir Dispute and the whole canal headworks stuff and are largely economically handicapped because of those fools, NO. Now they have to make Pakistan's youth dent their fragile minds with book after book written by men who are obviously too single to even be human (Do you really think Nigel Kelly can have a wife?) just so we can give a stupid exam THAT THEY MAKE.
I can say I hate them. But that will not show the amount of emotion I feel towards those evil, vengeful British idiots.
And British boys aren't even hot. So, HAH!
Saturday, April 26, 2008
"And I want mine in skinny jeans!"
I was reading Princess Diaries' part 4 yesterday, and I would be embarrassed admitting to that but actually those books are quite interesting- even if they are kind of unrealistic seeing how it's totally impossible to write 6 pages coherently while in an eatery's bathroom stall or, especially, in a car, in the time period Mia completes them in.
Anyways, in this one there were these multiple mentions of wanting a 'Romeo in cargo pants' or loving a 'Romeo in black jeans' and that just got me thinking- why on earth do you care what pants your Romeo wears?
And more importantly, why do you even want a Romeo?
If I have it right, Romeo was an idiot. Not only did he break into the house of his family's mortal enemies but he also stood there calling out to Juliet. How stupid is that? He could have gotten shot! Or stabbed, because I guess they didn't have guns back then.
And if that's not all, he also took poison because he thought Juliet had died. Didn't it ever occur to him to check her pulse before he killed himself? Maybe Juliet just liked to sleep in tombs. Maybe Juliet was a Goth. YOU DON'T KILL YOURSELF IF YOU AREN'T SURE THAT THE PERSON YOU'RE DYING FOR IS EVEN ACTUALLY DEAD.
Not to say that Juliet was any bit smart, the way she stabbed herself for a guy. Sure, she loved him, but have some self-respect, woman! And you can't even defend them by saying 'Oh they were only 14/15!'. I'm 15, and I wouldn't go drinking poison or driving daggers into my heart.
Also, did you know that there is actually a group of people in Verona, Italy (the place after which the city where Romeo and Juliet's story is set is named) who answer these like thousands of letters from around the world every year addressed to Juliet from people who're having love troubles? Yeah, seriously.
I guess the senders of those letters don't realise that when you're asking a fictional character who committed suicide for help with your love life, maybe love isn't your only problem.
Anyways, in this one there were these multiple mentions of wanting a 'Romeo in cargo pants' or loving a 'Romeo in black jeans' and that just got me thinking- why on earth do you care what pants your Romeo wears?
And more importantly, why do you even want a Romeo?
If I have it right, Romeo was an idiot. Not only did he break into the house of his family's mortal enemies but he also stood there calling out to Juliet. How stupid is that? He could have gotten shot! Or stabbed, because I guess they didn't have guns back then.
And if that's not all, he also took poison because he thought Juliet had died. Didn't it ever occur to him to check her pulse before he killed himself? Maybe Juliet just liked to sleep in tombs. Maybe Juliet was a Goth. YOU DON'T KILL YOURSELF IF YOU AREN'T SURE THAT THE PERSON YOU'RE DYING FOR IS EVEN ACTUALLY DEAD.
Not to say that Juliet was any bit smart, the way she stabbed herself for a guy. Sure, she loved him, but have some self-respect, woman! And you can't even defend them by saying 'Oh they were only 14/15!'. I'm 15, and I wouldn't go drinking poison or driving daggers into my heart.
Also, did you know that there is actually a group of people in Verona, Italy (the place after which the city where Romeo and Juliet's story is set is named) who answer these like thousands of letters from around the world every year addressed to Juliet from people who're having love troubles? Yeah, seriously.
I guess the senders of those letters don't realise that when you're asking a fictional character who committed suicide for help with your love life, maybe love isn't your only problem.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Get a doorbell.
I was up till 4:30 a.m. this morning when I really, really wanted to get some sleep.
It was around 4:10 that I began coming up with some excellent Knock Knock jokes. I'm not sure if it was the exhaustion or the boredom or the fact that I was to get my mock results today that contributed to this fun-fest (fiesta de grupos!) but whatever it was, I thank it.
Here are my little gems:
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Hell.
Hell Who?
Hello.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Woo.
Woo Who?
Well, don't you get excited meeting me!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Doctor.
Doctor Who?
That show happens to be fictional, you know.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Screw.
Screw who?
Screw you.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Who.
Who Who?
Why are you repeating yourself?
Okay, so the second one actually kinda sounds weird, I mean the punch-line of it does. But leave it to me to want appropriate grammar from a Knock Knock joke.
Either way, if making Knock Knock jokes was an Olympic sport, I'd already have the gold, babeh.
It was around 4:10 that I began coming up with some excellent Knock Knock jokes. I'm not sure if it was the exhaustion or the boredom or the fact that I was to get my mock results today that contributed to this fun-fest (fiesta de grupos!) but whatever it was, I thank it.
Here are my little gems:
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Hell.
Hell Who?
Hello.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Woo.
Woo Who?
Well, don't you get excited meeting me!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Doctor.
Doctor Who?
That show happens to be fictional, you know.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Screw.
Screw who?
Screw you.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Who.
Who Who?
Why are you repeating yourself?
Okay, so the second one actually kinda sounds weird, I mean the punch-line of it does. But leave it to me to want appropriate grammar from a Knock Knock joke.
Either way, if making Knock Knock jokes was an Olympic sport, I'd already have the gold, babeh.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Twinkies!
Mehdiyeh was watching Discovery Channel a whole bunch of days back and here's what she has reported seeing:
Apparently, because of global warming, polar bears are having a sex change! Well actually it's just female bears turning male.
I don't mean to laugh at the plight of these poor animals but hahaha can you imagine that? A female polar bear waking up and being like 'Oh, hello... I'm a dude?'.
And how is this going to affect family values among the bears? How are the kid bears going to live with two dads? They'll need to introduce gay rights to their society! Because there won't be enough ladies left! It'll be like China, where they kidnap women and sell them off as wives because the one-child-per-family law has greatly reduced the number of girls in China. There'll be a polar bear black market! And won't they eventually go extinct this way?
While I'm at it, may I also ask why global warming is so damn sexist? Why are the female polar bears turning male? Why isn't it the other way around, huh? Like this world needs anymore testosterone. Forget about extinction because of lack of mating, the polar bears will probably just like fight each other to death now.
And ofcourse, Mehdiyeh's top concern: What if this starts happening to humans, too?
I doubt it, but if it does then I guess the apocalypse is nigh.
Apparently, because of global warming, polar bears are having a sex change! Well actually it's just female bears turning male.
I don't mean to laugh at the plight of these poor animals but hahaha can you imagine that? A female polar bear waking up and being like 'Oh, hello... I'm a dude?'.
And how is this going to affect family values among the bears? How are the kid bears going to live with two dads? They'll need to introduce gay rights to their society! Because there won't be enough ladies left! It'll be like China, where they kidnap women and sell them off as wives because the one-child-per-family law has greatly reduced the number of girls in China. There'll be a polar bear black market! And won't they eventually go extinct this way?
While I'm at it, may I also ask why global warming is so damn sexist? Why are the female polar bears turning male? Why isn't it the other way around, huh? Like this world needs anymore testosterone. Forget about extinction because of lack of mating, the polar bears will probably just like fight each other to death now.
And ofcourse, Mehdiyeh's top concern: What if this starts happening to humans, too?
I doubt it, but if it does then I guess the apocalypse is nigh.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Up the crack of a yak!
I made cupcakes yesterday. I don't know what it is about exams but they always make me want to bake. Maybe it's just me not wanting to study. Anyways, my cupcakes are killer.
Literally.
It might have been the icing but the whole batch just turned out super sugary. Like 'Oh, my God, I think I can feel my teeth rot' sugary. It's just a bunch of diabetes-inducers. Nobody wants to eat them. They also kinda got burnt from the bottom 'cause I left them in the oven too long 'cause they wouldn't rise. What on earth has happened to me? I used to know how to make cupcakes!
I blame O Levels, because I feel the need to blame something.
And everyone keeps making fun of my cupcakes. Well they can just bite me.
It's quite clear they refuse to bite into the sugar bombs.
I also seem to realise that lack of sugar may not be the cause of my random crankiness because today I just want to scream and hit all those idiots on Facebook who feel it absolutely necessary to have almost every single application the site has on offer. Especially the damn quizzes.
WHY do they need to do that? Really, just why? Do I care to know what your favorite sexual position is? Do I care at all about what kind of nail polish you are? Does anyone other than themselves care about all this? I think not.
Ya'll application addicts need to take a lesson from Naveen. Naveen takes all those quizzes (okay, maybe not the dirty ones) and what does she do after she's found out what kind of Barbie she is (she's a Trendy Bendy Barbie, in case you're wondering)? She deletes the application.
Get the girl an award.
Also, last night Anum told me that since I want to know so bad how it must feel, one day she'll get drunk for me and let me know what it was like. I find the gesture so thoughtful that I guess maybe I'll cut myself and let Anum know what that's like. Because my Love Signs book does say that I'm masochistic, so I'll probably enjoy cutting my self.
Yeah, RIGHT. I'm going to pass out from the pain, sure I'll just love it. Idiot Linda Goodman and her ideas on my poor zodiac sign.
Oh, my God, hold on, I just realised that I get hurt a LOT. You know, how I'm always falling over and how I always get hit with some tennis ball or basketball? It's quite well-known how unfortunate I am that way and I just remembered how I always laugh when I get hurt. Everyone around me is all "Oh, no, are you okay? Oh, dear, let me help you up. Who was the idiot who threw that at you? Uh-oh, are you bleeding?" and I'm just laughing.
So that means I AM masochistic! :O
Oh, that's just great now. I'll go eat my burnt, sugar-ful cupcakes and enjoy myself then. I obviously like that kind of thing.
Literally.
It might have been the icing but the whole batch just turned out super sugary. Like 'Oh, my God, I think I can feel my teeth rot' sugary. It's just a bunch of diabetes-inducers. Nobody wants to eat them. They also kinda got burnt from the bottom 'cause I left them in the oven too long 'cause they wouldn't rise. What on earth has happened to me? I used to know how to make cupcakes!
I blame O Levels, because I feel the need to blame something.
And everyone keeps making fun of my cupcakes. Well they can just bite me.
It's quite clear they refuse to bite into the sugar bombs.
I also seem to realise that lack of sugar may not be the cause of my random crankiness because today I just want to scream and hit all those idiots on Facebook who feel it absolutely necessary to have almost every single application the site has on offer. Especially the damn quizzes.
WHY do they need to do that? Really, just why? Do I care to know what your favorite sexual position is? Do I care at all about what kind of nail polish you are? Does anyone other than themselves care about all this? I think not.
Ya'll application addicts need to take a lesson from Naveen. Naveen takes all those quizzes (okay, maybe not the dirty ones) and what does she do after she's found out what kind of Barbie she is (she's a Trendy Bendy Barbie, in case you're wondering)? She deletes the application.
Get the girl an award.
Also, last night Anum told me that since I want to know so bad how it must feel, one day she'll get drunk for me and let me know what it was like. I find the gesture so thoughtful that I guess maybe I'll cut myself and let Anum know what that's like. Because my Love Signs book does say that I'm masochistic, so I'll probably enjoy cutting my self.
Yeah, RIGHT. I'm going to pass out from the pain, sure I'll just love it. Idiot Linda Goodman and her ideas on my poor zodiac sign.
Oh, my God, hold on, I just realised that I get hurt a LOT. You know, how I'm always falling over and how I always get hit with some tennis ball or basketball? It's quite well-known how unfortunate I am that way and I just remembered how I always laugh when I get hurt. Everyone around me is all "Oh, no, are you okay? Oh, dear, let me help you up. Who was the idiot who threw that at you? Uh-oh, are you bleeding?" and I'm just laughing.
So that means I AM masochistic! :O
Oh, that's just great now. I'll go eat my burnt, sugar-ful cupcakes and enjoy myself then. I obviously like that kind of thing.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Quite Suited for the Job
Do any of you remember how after Benazir's assassination I was all "You know what? I should be the next Prime Minister." And then I went on to relay this entire plan of what I'd do after becoming PM which started off with my lining the irrigation canals.
And remember how everyone laughed at me and my idea, including my own mother, my flesh and blood, and how ya'll were like "Hah! Why'd you want to do that? That is so lame. Lining canals! Pffft."?
Now that Yousuf Gillani is the PM, guess what he's doing? Brick-lining the irrigation canals. Mhm. So you were saying...?
And remember how everyone laughed at me and my idea, including my own mother, my flesh and blood, and how ya'll were like "Hah! Why'd you want to do that? That is so lame. Lining canals! Pffft."?
Now that Yousuf Gillani is the PM, guess what he's doing? Brick-lining the irrigation canals. Mhm. So you were saying...?
Monday, March 24, 2008
History!
New Prime Minister!
Nominated by the coalition of PPP/PML-N/MQM we have a new Prime Minister! There was never any doubt about him not winning the elections today, I mean there could possibly not have been enough people to vote against him after the coalition. But still. Ta-dah!
Yousuf Raza Gillani!
Check out the V-sign! And he looks like the Pringles guy in this picture! Haha, aw.
Today, with the power of his new position Gillani has freed all the judges that had been kept under house arrest, like the Chief of Justice. Everyone's gone crazy excited and are shown on TV jumping around to the dhol-people's precussions.
I know they don't realise this but the dhol-people really have a giant bit in our country's political history. They're like fair-weather friends- always there for the good times.
Also, has anyone noticed Gillani's excellent hairstyle?
Yeah, this isn't a very good picture but as of now Google has very few pictures of him. There were even lesser yesterday when I checked. Not very popular, this man is. But can you see how his hair makes this very distinct wave shape? 'Cause he's balding from both sides of his forehead and uses the hair in the middle to cover one bald spot?
It's quite sad. But then again, we've all seen Asif Zardari and Altaf Hussain.
Nominated by the coalition of PPP/PML-N/MQM we have a new Prime Minister! There was never any doubt about him not winning the elections today, I mean there could possibly not have been enough people to vote against him after the coalition. But still. Ta-dah!
Yousuf Raza Gillani!Check out the V-sign! And he looks like the Pringles guy in this picture! Haha, aw.
Today, with the power of his new position Gillani has freed all the judges that had been kept under house arrest, like the Chief of Justice. Everyone's gone crazy excited and are shown on TV jumping around to the dhol-people's precussions.
I know they don't realise this but the dhol-people really have a giant bit in our country's political history. They're like fair-weather friends- always there for the good times.
Also, has anyone noticed Gillani's excellent hairstyle?
Yeah, this isn't a very good picture but as of now Google has very few pictures of him. There were even lesser yesterday when I checked. Not very popular, this man is. But can you see how his hair makes this very distinct wave shape? 'Cause he's balding from both sides of his forehead and uses the hair in the middle to cover one bald spot?It's quite sad. But then again, we've all seen Asif Zardari and Altaf Hussain.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Say What?
Asif Zardari does not look very much like an educated man. I mean, if you've seen him you know what I mean. He looks like he was running a tractor when he decided "Hey, maybe I should become the Prime Minister!"
Yet, it is said that he has in fact graduated from from Cadet College Petaro, Dadu for his equivalent of a high school education. And, if you can believe it, he has also gotten a degree from the London School of Economics and Business.
And you know why I think you might find it hard to believe? 'Cause so far, after some good searching, British officials have not even found a London School of Economics and Business! There isn't one! Not one that anyone knows of, anyways.
Ha ha ha! How excellent is that? He's been faking it for decades now, possibly, and only this week we find out that he might just not have a degree at all!
Minimum degree of graduation? A requirement for the position of parliamentarian? Hasn't been so for Mr. Zardari!
Yet, it is said that he has in fact graduated from from Cadet College Petaro, Dadu for his equivalent of a high school education. And, if you can believe it, he has also gotten a degree from the London School of Economics and Business.
And you know why I think you might find it hard to believe? 'Cause so far, after some good searching, British officials have not even found a London School of Economics and Business! There isn't one! Not one that anyone knows of, anyways.
Ha ha ha! How excellent is that? He's been faking it for decades now, possibly, and only this week we find out that he might just not have a degree at all!
Minimum degree of graduation? A requirement for the position of parliamentarian? Hasn't been so for Mr. Zardari!
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Bringing Sexy Back. Not.
Did you see how on Dawn News (the channel) how they had the headline going "BILAWAL IS BACK"? He is!
He's back from Oxford to announce who's going to be the new Prime Minister. Like announcing the winner of the Best Actor in a Supporting Role for the Oscars! He's here for his easter holidays which were going to be spent in Dubai with his sisters previously. But some lady in the news said that the Oxford examinations are coming and he should be studying and not be here. Come now, Bilawal, even I'm studying.
Good news is, he's started opening his eyes now. Literally. Like now he doesn't look drunk 24/7. Maybe he had eyelid surgery done. Or maybe Boozie Suzie stole all his liquor.
Going along the lines of the next Prime Minister, there was a phadda in the coalition for the nomination of PM. Asif Zardari and Makhdoom Amin Fahim were all "Yo, getcho face outta mine or I'mma twist yo' head so yo' caps on straight" 'cause Makhdoom was the one who was supposed to become PM but now Zardari's trying to butt in on his possible big moment. Rabia at school said that it's time to send Zardari a bomb in a mango crate.
Also, guess who's the new National Assembly speaker? For the first time in Pakistani history it is a woman. It's Dr. Fehmida Mirza! Yay for the lay-days!
Now here's a nice picture of Bilawal for all of you Billy Lovers out there (basically Naveen and Anum):
He's back from Oxford to announce who's going to be the new Prime Minister. Like announcing the winner of the Best Actor in a Supporting Role for the Oscars! He's here for his easter holidays which were going to be spent in Dubai with his sisters previously. But some lady in the news said that the Oxford examinations are coming and he should be studying and not be here. Come now, Bilawal, even I'm studying.
Good news is, he's started opening his eyes now. Literally. Like now he doesn't look drunk 24/7. Maybe he had eyelid surgery done. Or maybe Boozie Suzie stole all his liquor.
Going along the lines of the next Prime Minister, there was a phadda in the coalition for the nomination of PM. Asif Zardari and Makhdoom Amin Fahim were all "Yo, getcho face outta mine or I'mma twist yo' head so yo' caps on straight" 'cause Makhdoom was the one who was supposed to become PM but now Zardari's trying to butt in on his possible big moment. Rabia at school said that it's time to send Zardari a bomb in a mango crate.
Also, guess who's the new National Assembly speaker? For the first time in Pakistani history it is a woman. It's Dr. Fehmida Mirza! Yay for the lay-days!
Now here's a nice picture of Bilawal for all of you Billy Lovers out there (basically Naveen and Anum):
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Kub hon gay kum yeh dunya ke gham?
Talk about depressing. Someone get me some Prozac.
Well, okay, it's not that bad. I finished reading The Subtle Knife last night and let me tell you, THAT BOOK IS SAD. Everybody good just dies in the end. What's that all about, I ask you? I mean, I fully expected, while reading, that the people dying would get healed somehow, you know? Somehow. And then RANDOMLY the book ends and everyone's dead. Alright, not everyone, but the cool people, yes.
No wonder Naveed likes this book. Emo kid.
Other than that I also had my accounts comprehensive test and if you take accounts you probably know what I mean when I say nothing balanced. It means that I'm failing. Oh well, happens.
OOH also, I've found pictures of Nick Zinner's girlfriend, Amalia or Aliyah or- well no one seems to know for sure what her name is. Here:
Wow, those are REALLY tiny pictures. But yes, try not to confuse Nick on the left as being Amalia/ Aliyah in the left picture and on the right in the other one because I know Anum will deliberately do so. And doesn't she totally look like the child of Nick and Demi Moore, were they ever to have one?
That's Demi Moore in case you didn't know.
And Asif Zardari will be trying for Prime Minister. Woo. Hoo. There goes Pakistan.
Well, okay, it's not that bad. I finished reading The Subtle Knife last night and let me tell you, THAT BOOK IS SAD. Everybody good just dies in the end. What's that all about, I ask you? I mean, I fully expected, while reading, that the people dying would get healed somehow, you know? Somehow. And then RANDOMLY the book ends and everyone's dead. Alright, not everyone, but the cool people, yes.
No wonder Naveed likes this book. Emo kid.
Other than that I also had my accounts comprehensive test and if you take accounts you probably know what I mean when I say nothing balanced. It means that I'm failing. Oh well, happens.
OOH also, I've found pictures of Nick Zinner's girlfriend, Amalia or Aliyah or- well no one seems to know for sure what her name is. Here:
Wow, those are REALLY tiny pictures. But yes, try not to confuse Nick on the left as being Amalia/ Aliyah in the left picture and on the right in the other one because I know Anum will deliberately do so. And doesn't she totally look like the child of Nick and Demi Moore, were they ever to have one?
That's Demi Moore in case you didn't know.
But you guys never agree with my look-a-like theories.
Oh and Danny got kicked out of American Idol last week. I swear, first America's working for gay rights and then they kick off the the gay dude altogether! There goes my favorite girl contestant.
Oh and Danny got kicked out of American Idol last week. I swear, first America's working for gay rights and then they kick off the the gay dude altogether! There goes my favorite girl contestant.
And Asif Zardari will be trying for Prime Minister. Woo. Hoo. There goes Pakistan.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Aliza's email address
Props to Naveed for finding out such a lovely piece of information. He is the new Nancy Drew.
We all know Aliza. Aliza Qaisar. The most non-pervy, sensible (Naveed's words) and mature person of us all. Well I guess we didn't know her well enough. For do you know what her old e-mail address was? No? Well let me tell you!
wannaplay73@hotmail.com
I do not kid you. That's all I have to say.
We all know Aliza. Aliza Qaisar. The most non-pervy, sensible (Naveed's words) and mature person of us all. Well I guess we didn't know her well enough. For do you know what her old e-mail address was? No? Well let me tell you!
wannaplay73@hotmail.com
I do not kid you. That's all I have to say.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Naveen over-reacts again, Anum 'no for sale'
Well, she did.
We had this electricity crisis like 3 days ago, if anyone remembers. One of KESC's generators got messed up, if I'm right, and then the electricity was gone for hours. I was at home that day for no particular reason and was reading The Subtle Knife and texted Naveen that I thought Gel Boy would make a stellar Will Parry. She replied going "Did you hear about the electricity crisis I don't know how you can be so happy and thinking about Gel Boy when your country is falling apart."
I swear, at times like these I really feel that Naveen should have a blog and not I. She's full-on drama-scene about everything!
More people would read it then, too.
Ooh, IDEA! Let's make this a joint blog! YEAH.
Anum's back after 4 days in Malaysia for our field trip. She witnessed a guy ask their van driver if he could buy the girls. The van driver said "They no for sale." Anum says Malaysian's don't really know English very well. Whatever, atleast they have morals. Which is more than can be said for either her or I.
We had this electricity crisis like 3 days ago, if anyone remembers. One of KESC's generators got messed up, if I'm right, and then the electricity was gone for hours. I was at home that day for no particular reason and was reading The Subtle Knife and texted Naveen that I thought Gel Boy would make a stellar Will Parry. She replied going "Did you hear about the electricity crisis I don't know how you can be so happy and thinking about Gel Boy when your country is falling apart."
I swear, at times like these I really feel that Naveen should have a blog and not I. She's full-on drama-scene about everything!
More people would read it then, too.
Ooh, IDEA! Let's make this a joint blog! YEAH.
Anum's back after 4 days in Malaysia for our field trip. She witnessed a guy ask their van driver if he could buy the girls. The van driver said "They no for sale." Anum says Malaysian's don't really know English very well. Whatever, atleast they have morals. Which is more than can be said for either her or I.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Banning YouTube
Taking away YouTube! They're taking away You Tube!!
How dare they?
Why don't they just take EVERYTHING away?
And what's the reason for it anyways? Can it seriously be that it's because of 'unIslamic content'? Hello, who was the idiot who said that? Has he noticed that the whole of the world wide web is filled with unIslamic content?
Are they taking away the internet too then? HUH?
Retards.
How dare they?
Why don't they just take EVERYTHING away?
And what's the reason for it anyways? Can it seriously be that it's because of 'unIslamic content'? Hello, who was the idiot who said that? Has he noticed that the whole of the world wide web is filled with unIslamic content?
Are they taking away the internet too then? HUH?
Retards.
Monday, February 18, 2008
East or West!
Election day today and I told my mother that we must go vote but clever lady that she is she made up some excuse at every chance.
So we never went.
I don't see the point of not voting. You have the chance, you have the right and you're still going to sit at home and moan about how Pakistan sucks?
The thing that really pisses me off is when people say that voting is a waste. It is not. So maybe none of the parties are worth it, and they're all corrupt, but that doesn't mean you give up all hope and sit at home and do nothing. At least go vote against the party you dislike most. Otherwise you'll be the one crying when they come into power.
And dont' think that one vote can't make a difference. It can. Every drop counts in a bucket of water and the same goes for voting and elections.
No wonder our future looks so bleak.
I'll tell you who the problem is. Adults.
So we never went.
I don't see the point of not voting. You have the chance, you have the right and you're still going to sit at home and moan about how Pakistan sucks?
The thing that really pisses me off is when people say that voting is a waste. It is not. So maybe none of the parties are worth it, and they're all corrupt, but that doesn't mean you give up all hope and sit at home and do nothing. At least go vote against the party you dislike most. Otherwise you'll be the one crying when they come into power.
And dont' think that one vote can't make a difference. It can. Every drop counts in a bucket of water and the same goes for voting and elections.
No wonder our future looks so bleak.
I'll tell you who the problem is. Adults.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Scotland BuDd!3zxX
A couple of days back Scotland Yard came to the verdict that Benazir had in fact died from a serious head injury brought on by hitting her forehead on the 'sunroof' which actually turned out to be an escape hatch.
So she basically died because of something that was meant to save her from harm. Wooh, irony. Also, I'm sorry but the idea of her getting shot is way cooler than fatal head injury. Would you rather have "OW! My face got shot in!", or "OW! I hit my head!" as your last words? She was a legend. She needed a legendary way to die.
But then again, who is to believe that Scotland Yard got it right, anyways? It's not like they had much evidence to work with, thanks to the government washing up the scene of the crime (They can't wash clean the gurgling sewers' messes but valuable crime scene information? Bring in the water tanker!) and Zardari for not having an autopsy done.
We can never be in an episode of C.S.I.
And screw all that, do you realise our movie, Kitnay Bhutto Maro Gay, is now historically incorrect? Not fair.
So she basically died because of something that was meant to save her from harm. Wooh, irony. Also, I'm sorry but the idea of her getting shot is way cooler than fatal head injury. Would you rather have "OW! My face got shot in!", or "OW! I hit my head!" as your last words? She was a legend. She needed a legendary way to die.
But then again, who is to believe that Scotland Yard got it right, anyways? It's not like they had much evidence to work with, thanks to the government washing up the scene of the crime (They can't wash clean the gurgling sewers' messes but valuable crime scene information? Bring in the water tanker!) and Zardari for not having an autopsy done.
We can never be in an episode of C.S.I.
And screw all that, do you realise our movie, Kitnay Bhutto Maro Gay, is now historically incorrect? Not fair.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Film and Fame
I watched some show about Zibah Khana's reviews. And all I have to say is that I better grow up FAST or else the Pakistani cinema industry will totally get revolutionized before I can even get my hands on it! What will I do then? Direct lowly advertisements? "Fairy Herbal Fairness Cream- Just do it to believe it"?
I wish I were one of those child geniuses. The ones who graduate out of college at the age of 14. But then if I were one of those I'd probably have majored in medicine or law or something like that. So I guess it's better this way.
Also, I must watch Zibah Khana and see what's so great about it.
Do you realise we never got around to filming my incredibly rough screenplay based on Tafreeh Inn? The horror movie where everyone dies? I guess I can blame the fact that should we have gathered the cast along and tried to go through with it, it would just have been a helping hand in murderous plans plotted towards each other by half the group. Body parts might be found under the beds next cleaning. People might have actually died.
I'll be more careful with my casting next time.
Also since filming of Kitnay Bhutto Maro Gay 2 has been delayed because of Anum and Aliza, MAJOR CHARACTERS, having plans.
Plans. I ask you! What can be more important than being part of a successful film about politics, love, and um, like stuff. Actually, there's no love in it. Wow, what is in that movie? I have no idea.
Apparently football matches and tuitions are more important.
Dang.
I wish I were one of those child geniuses. The ones who graduate out of college at the age of 14. But then if I were one of those I'd probably have majored in medicine or law or something like that. So I guess it's better this way.
Also, I must watch Zibah Khana and see what's so great about it.
Do you realise we never got around to filming my incredibly rough screenplay based on Tafreeh Inn? The horror movie where everyone dies? I guess I can blame the fact that should we have gathered the cast along and tried to go through with it, it would just have been a helping hand in murderous plans plotted towards each other by half the group. Body parts might be found under the beds next cleaning. People might have actually died.
I'll be more careful with my casting next time.
Also since filming of Kitnay Bhutto Maro Gay 2 has been delayed because of Anum and Aliza, MAJOR CHARACTERS, having plans.
Plans. I ask you! What can be more important than being part of a successful film about politics, love, and um, like stuff. Actually, there's no love in it. Wow, what is in that movie? I have no idea.
Apparently football matches and tuitions are more important.
Dang.
Monday, January 28, 2008
A drum, A drum, Macbeth doth come
First in order, Macbeth is most definitely bipolar and possibly on 'shrooms.
And Lady Macbeth is a gold-digging bitch. And apparently she goes crazy later on but if you ask me they're both already quite far out of their minds. Out of city limits AT LEAST.
Got Naveen a poster of PPP 'cause it had Bilawal on it but when I got home and examined it, it turns out it's NOT a PPP poster. No. It's a PPPP poster. Four P's. Over and over. What does the extra P stand for? Pajero? Pepsi? Pants?
Any ideas?
Note: My janam din's near. Ya'll better get me Nick OR ELSE.
And Lady Macbeth is a gold-digging bitch. And apparently she goes crazy later on but if you ask me they're both already quite far out of their minds. Out of city limits AT LEAST.
Got Naveen a poster of PPP 'cause it had Bilawal on it but when I got home and examined it, it turns out it's NOT a PPP poster. No. It's a PPPP poster. Four P's. Over and over. What does the extra P stand for? Pajero? Pepsi? Pants?
Any ideas?
Note: My janam din's near. Ya'll better get me Nick OR ELSE.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Aziza Reviews Her Top 5 Kids' Movies
...'cause she's run out of things to write on.
1) The Labyrinth
An excellent piece of cinematography. Drunk puppets + Helping Hands + David Bowie? There can be no better kids' movie. My favorite of all times, resulting in a pretty raped tape.
Story line: Sarah must race against the clock through an insane Enid-Blyton-on-drugs labyrinth to rescue her baby brother from the clutches of song-singing, deliciously evil David Bowie (in powder-blue tights!)
Lesson taught: You better think twice before damning your siblings. Getting them back can prove mighty difficult.
2) Spongebob Squarepants: The Movie
Guess what? This one was supposed to have David Bowie, too! As King Neptune, but I don't think it does.
Watch the best of Spongebob and Patrick with awesome ridicule of masculinity and maturity, backed by catchy songs. Brilliant.
Story line: Little bitch Plankton steals King Neptune's crown and makes Mr. Krabs his scapegoat. Now Spongebob, with Patrick's companionship, must defy the constraints of being a kid to find the head-dress in six days time before Mr. Krabs gets zapped and Plankton takes over Bikini Bottom. Crucial help given by: Rock 'n' roll, bebeh.
Lesson taught: Mentally retarded and homosexual folk are people, too. R-E-S-P-E-C-T, okay?
3) Hunchback of Notre Dame
Only Disney animated movie worth the view. The hero is not a flowing hair-tuxedo combo hottie (since when is flowing hair that hot, anyways?). He is deformed and the movie is delightful. The villain falls into a lava-like pit of fire, COME ON! Way cool.
Story line: Acrobatic, bell-ringing hunchback Quasimoto and radical pole-dancing gypsy Esmerelda- stereotyped minorities in Paris preyed on by woman-less perv and Master of Parisians, Frollo. They leap, fight, and sing their way out of oppression but don't get together. Why???
Lesson taught: Do not listen to the talking gargoyles you happen to live with. Also, do not trust any blonds of the flowing hair variety with your (possible) girl.
4) Toy Story
An extra push to my already diminishing sanity. Reason why I now believe that all that exists on earth has feelings. Even dairy produce. If i choose not to fry the cracked egg, will it think I'm discriminating against it because of its disability?
Story line: Andy's cowboy doll, Woody, feels threatened by the new spaceman doll, Buzz. Pixar's first 3-D animation triumph which starts as a battle for toy-box superiority, ends with realisation of equality; ever-lasting friendship.
Lesson taught: Treat your toys equally or risk a Chucky/ Toy Soldiers-esque scene unfolding. Though, ofcourse, Chucky was alive because of a soul dwelling in it.
5) Jumanji
Who has NOT watched this movie? Robin Williams in one of his better roles, in my opinion, better than RV atleast. A far better film than that (not so) new board game movie Zathura or whatever. Zapora? I think it's Zathura. Does it even matter? Jumanji all the way, baby!
Story line: Kids find magical board game. Game is evil. Wild animals chase them around, local zoo gets chance to add to its attractions. Game must be played till the end for everything to go back to normal.
Result: highly odd, non-fatal action.
Lesson taught: If you find a board game that seems a bit too advanced for your decade and declares misty, threatening messages on its screen, DO NOT PLAY IT. Destroy it! Otherwise you will end up with a tail and a jungle man for a companion. Stick with Monopoly.
1) The Labyrinth
An excellent piece of cinematography. Drunk puppets + Helping Hands + David Bowie? There can be no better kids' movie. My favorite of all times, resulting in a pretty raped tape.
Story line: Sarah must race against the clock through an insane Enid-Blyton-on-drugs labyrinth to rescue her baby brother from the clutches of song-singing, deliciously evil David Bowie (in powder-blue tights!)
Lesson taught: You better think twice before damning your siblings. Getting them back can prove mighty difficult.
2) Spongebob Squarepants: The Movie
Guess what? This one was supposed to have David Bowie, too! As King Neptune, but I don't think it does.
Watch the best of Spongebob and Patrick with awesome ridicule of masculinity and maturity, backed by catchy songs. Brilliant.
Story line: Little bitch Plankton steals King Neptune's crown and makes Mr. Krabs his scapegoat. Now Spongebob, with Patrick's companionship, must defy the constraints of being a kid to find the head-dress in six days time before Mr. Krabs gets zapped and Plankton takes over Bikini Bottom. Crucial help given by: Rock 'n' roll, bebeh.
Lesson taught: Mentally retarded and homosexual folk are people, too. R-E-S-P-E-C-T, okay?
3) Hunchback of Notre Dame
Only Disney animated movie worth the view. The hero is not a flowing hair-tuxedo combo hottie (since when is flowing hair that hot, anyways?). He is deformed and the movie is delightful. The villain falls into a lava-like pit of fire, COME ON! Way cool.
Story line: Acrobatic, bell-ringing hunchback Quasimoto and radical pole-dancing gypsy Esmerelda- stereotyped minorities in Paris preyed on by woman-less perv and Master of Parisians, Frollo. They leap, fight, and sing their way out of oppression but don't get together. Why???
Lesson taught: Do not listen to the talking gargoyles you happen to live with. Also, do not trust any blonds of the flowing hair variety with your (possible) girl.
4) Toy Story
An extra push to my already diminishing sanity. Reason why I now believe that all that exists on earth has feelings. Even dairy produce. If i choose not to fry the cracked egg, will it think I'm discriminating against it because of its disability?
Story line: Andy's cowboy doll, Woody, feels threatened by the new spaceman doll, Buzz. Pixar's first 3-D animation triumph which starts as a battle for toy-box superiority, ends with realisation of equality; ever-lasting friendship.
Lesson taught: Treat your toys equally or risk a Chucky/ Toy Soldiers-esque scene unfolding. Though, ofcourse, Chucky was alive because of a soul dwelling in it.
5) Jumanji
Who has NOT watched this movie? Robin Williams in one of his better roles, in my opinion, better than RV atleast. A far better film than that (not so) new board game movie Zathura or whatever. Zapora? I think it's Zathura. Does it even matter? Jumanji all the way, baby!
Story line: Kids find magical board game. Game is evil. Wild animals chase them around, local zoo gets chance to add to its attractions. Game must be played till the end for everything to go back to normal.
Result: highly odd, non-fatal action.
Lesson taught: If you find a board game that seems a bit too advanced for your decade and declares misty, threatening messages on its screen, DO NOT PLAY IT. Destroy it! Otherwise you will end up with a tail and a jungle man for a companion. Stick with Monopoly.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Lawalib
http://hs.facebook.com/group.php?gid=16865575242
This is Naveen's Facebook group for Bilawal Bhutto.
Okay, so Bilawal Bhutto is the new chairperson for Pakistan People's Party after the death of his mother and everybody just LOVES him because, and I quote Anum here, "Go Bilawal, you're so HOT!"
And he is not, he looks sleepy all the time.
Anyways, this is not so much a post for reveling in his beauty. But isn't it so obvious that this is a super-sly move on Asif Zardari's part, for his own benefit?
Firstly, I totally do think Zardari should be a full-on suspect for Benazir's assassination because apparently he's the one who told her to pop out the sunroof and wave to the masses, resulting in three bullets in her head. That was, like, Phase 1 (no, not of D.H.A, you idiot, of his master plan!).
So okay, Benazir's dead. Now he pulls out the secret weapon (I feel like an absolute fool saying this): his miraculously hot son BILAWAL!
Play the organ! Play the organ!
Alright then, Bilawal has strung the heart strings of many a female after his press conference with his dad with his fancy British accent and sensitive-boy emotions. So that's Phase 2.
Phase 3 is letting it be known that Bilawal studies at Oxford, will be back once he's graduated. Long enough time for his little fans to grow up and be old enough to vote for him when he comes back (by the way, back when I was fooled into thinking he might actually be hot- thanks, Nav- I had the same idea. So this is not at all condescending a remark).
So he comes back, all the little girls go vote for him- "Ooh, I'm voting for the hottie"- and then he gets to be a puppet Prime Minister with Mr. 10 Percent at the real reigns.
ISN'T THAT SO CLEVER? And evil, too, duh.
Now before Naveed (or Naveen) comes along and points it out, I do see that my theory has quite a few loopholes because, well, for one there aren't enough 15-year-old girls in Pakistan for a majority vote.
But you know what? My point here is that all those specified Bilawal lovers- do not vote for him. He will not marry you for it and he will not save our country. I doubt many can, and especially not a kid who doesn't even know Urdu and has never even lived in Pakistan.
Also, if he does decide to get with lucky little you, do you really want some lady named Boozie Suzie at your wedding?: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=506355&in_page_id=1770
This is Naveen's Facebook group for Bilawal Bhutto.
Okay, so Bilawal Bhutto is the new chairperson for Pakistan People's Party after the death of his mother and everybody just LOVES him because, and I quote Anum here, "Go Bilawal, you're so HOT!"
And he is not, he looks sleepy all the time.
Anyways, this is not so much a post for reveling in his beauty. But isn't it so obvious that this is a super-sly move on Asif Zardari's part, for his own benefit?
Firstly, I totally do think Zardari should be a full-on suspect for Benazir's assassination because apparently he's the one who told her to pop out the sunroof and wave to the masses, resulting in three bullets in her head. That was, like, Phase 1 (no, not of D.H.A, you idiot, of his master plan!).
So okay, Benazir's dead. Now he pulls out the secret weapon (I feel like an absolute fool saying this): his miraculously hot son BILAWAL!
Play the organ! Play the organ!
Alright then, Bilawal has strung the heart strings of many a female after his press conference with his dad with his fancy British accent and sensitive-boy emotions. So that's Phase 2.
Phase 3 is letting it be known that Bilawal studies at Oxford, will be back once he's graduated. Long enough time for his little fans to grow up and be old enough to vote for him when he comes back (by the way, back when I was fooled into thinking he might actually be hot- thanks, Nav- I had the same idea. So this is not at all condescending a remark).
So he comes back, all the little girls go vote for him- "Ooh, I'm voting for the hottie"- and then he gets to be a puppet Prime Minister with Mr. 10 Percent at the real reigns.
ISN'T THAT SO CLEVER? And evil, too, duh.
Now before Naveed (or Naveen) comes along and points it out, I do see that my theory has quite a few loopholes because, well, for one there aren't enough 15-year-old girls in Pakistan for a majority vote.
But you know what? My point here is that all those specified Bilawal lovers- do not vote for him. He will not marry you for it and he will not save our country. I doubt many can, and especially not a kid who doesn't even know Urdu and has never even lived in Pakistan.
Also, if he does decide to get with lucky little you, do you really want some lady named Boozie Suzie at your wedding?: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=506355&in_page_id=1770
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Keyboard 5656
Hello this is Naveen's blog. My name is Naveen, I am 15 years old and will turn older~~~~~~~
YEAH, NIGGA
BITE ME.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Okay, back to Aziza. I'm at Nav's and was going to post proper stuff but you know what? Her keyboard is shit. I made a new year's resolution to not curse but that is the best way to decribe it and anyways, WHEN have I ever kept my resolutions?
Oh, my God, it's the funniest thing EVER none of the numbers work except for 5 and 6. And so none of the special characters work either except for % and ^.
It's 56% DiZaBl3d^!
I have to copy-paste my exclaimation marks from the other posts on my blog. Naveen doesn't even use exclaimation marks, she compensates for them with ~
Ha~ Ha~ Ha~
This is my favorite new toy. Naveen's disabled keyboard.
YEAH, NIGGA
BITE ME.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Okay, back to Aziza. I'm at Nav's and was going to post proper stuff but you know what? Her keyboard is shit. I made a new year's resolution to not curse but that is the best way to decribe it and anyways, WHEN have I ever kept my resolutions?
Oh, my God, it's the funniest thing EVER none of the numbers work except for 5 and 6. And so none of the special characters work either except for % and ^.
It's 56% DiZaBl3d^!
I have to copy-paste my exclaimation marks from the other posts on my blog. Naveen doesn't even use exclaimation marks, she compensates for them with ~
Ha~ Ha~ Ha~
This is my favorite new toy. Naveen's disabled keyboard.
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