This is it. My friendship with Naveen is over. We are no longer what we used to be. And it is all her fault.
All I did was text her about how I have been contemplating with my father the prospect of me joining the army and then eventually becoming the next dictator of Pakistan. Well, pardon me for expecting love and support from my best friend. Because the following conversation is what I got instead:
N (Naveen): HEY BITCH BACK OFF I'M THE NEXT DICTATOR.
A (Aziza): OH PLEASE YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT DICTATORSHIP WAS UNTIL I JUST MENTIONED IT AND YOU CHECKED YOUR DICTIONARY.
N: OH PLEASE AS IF YOU DID BITCH LET'S SEE WHO WINS. You can be the Zardari to my Musharraf.
A: I DON'T WANT DEMOCRACY. MARTIAL LAW! Let's see which one of us gets through boot camp, bitch.
N: You don't even know how to tie your laces (LIBEL! I fully know how to tie my laces, WITH the bunny ears AND the loop-de-loop)!
A: YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A BOOT IS (well, fine, this is not true either because I'm sure I wouldn't be friends with someone who didn't know what a boot was). I'm so gonna get your ass impeached.
I have not received a response to this from her yet. But what does it matter? What's said is said. She has made her dictatorship thieving plans clear to me.
IT'S ON, NAV.
We are so freaking Pakistani.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Fer Sherrrr
Another Long March (in March!) is pending. The government is forcing news channels to close down and restrict what information the public receives. Sherry Rehman has resigned. Samaa channel's building is up in flames. It appears that Martial Law may make a comeback.
Meanwhile, in true Pakistani fashion, we are all busy joking around. Or atleast my mother is. She and her friends have been discussing the many reasons why our Information Minister may possibly have resigned, which I list out for you now:
1. She has run out of outfits.
2. Her eyebrow-shaper has passed away.
3. She has run out of the various baubles she wears in her ears.
4. Her makeup supply has just finished.
But my mother insists that it is because Sherry's plastic surgeons have told her that they cannot stretch her face out anymore and so she needs to stop stressing and wrinkling it back so much with all the politics. No more face-lifts for her.
FACE!
Meanwhile, in true Pakistani fashion, we are all busy joking around. Or atleast my mother is. She and her friends have been discussing the many reasons why our Information Minister may possibly have resigned, which I list out for you now:
1. She has run out of outfits.
2. Her eyebrow-shaper has passed away.
3. She has run out of the various baubles she wears in her ears.
4. Her makeup supply has just finished.
But my mother insists that it is because Sherry's plastic surgeons have told her that they cannot stretch her face out anymore and so she needs to stop stressing and wrinkling it back so much with all the politics. No more face-lifts for her.
FACE!Sunday, March 8, 2009
Colour me purple
Nestle has given me chocolate, juice, Smarties. Nestle has given me a lot. And today Nestle betrayed me. Today I saw it's true colour. And that colour is WHITE.
I made coffee today, you see. To pass time during the electricity's nightly departure. And then I decided to add some Coffee Mate to the mix. Because it was lying around and looked fancy. My father uses it. After pouring in as much as I could dislodge from the container (it was stuck to it, I believe the vapour from the coffee has a part in this), I added some milk to make up. Because naive little me thought that Coffee Mate was just a packaged powder milk. It's not.
Credit goes to my very resourceful brother for this (he also figured out that my photo booth snapshot is actually a STICKER). It is he who told me that Nestle's Coffee Mate is not milk at all. It is coffee whitener. Yes, it does say so on the package, except I didn't read the package because there was no light.
Back to the subject: coffee whitener. Can you believe that? WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS? Why would anyone just want to whiten their coffee for no reason? What's wrong with black coffee? Is it too African-American for you? YEAH?
It's sick, Nestle. SICK.
And my father is a racist, I suppose.
I made coffee today, you see. To pass time during the electricity's nightly departure. And then I decided to add some Coffee Mate to the mix. Because it was lying around and looked fancy. My father uses it. After pouring in as much as I could dislodge from the container (it was stuck to it, I believe the vapour from the coffee has a part in this), I added some milk to make up. Because naive little me thought that Coffee Mate was just a packaged powder milk. It's not.
Credit goes to my very resourceful brother for this (he also figured out that my photo booth snapshot is actually a STICKER). It is he who told me that Nestle's Coffee Mate is not milk at all. It is coffee whitener. Yes, it does say so on the package, except I didn't read the package because there was no light.
Back to the subject: coffee whitener. Can you believe that? WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS? Why would anyone just want to whiten their coffee for no reason? What's wrong with black coffee? Is it too African-American for you? YEAH?
It's sick, Nestle. SICK.
And my father is a racist, I suppose.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Rhyme Time
Why is it that whenever I listen to any song based around a girl, the supremely intelligent lyricist can not find any other word to rhyme with 'girl', but 'world'? 'Girl' is not like 'orange'. MANY words rhyme with 'girl'. Here, I've made a list of these words in half a minute flat:
* curl
* whirl
* twirl
* hurl (obviously not for a particularly romantic song)
* swirl
* pearl (Prince has used this one. Good boy.)
* unfurl
* churl
* merle
* Earl
I hope someone learns something from this.
* curl
* whirl
* twirl
* hurl (obviously not for a particularly romantic song)
* swirl
* pearl (Prince has used this one. Good boy.)
* unfurl
* churl
* merle
* Earl
I hope someone learns something from this.
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