Some like it hot

I know I've already given my History CIE (as of this afternoon) but this issue still needs to be addressed. The names.
How can you have a name like Maulvi Tamizuddin or General Tikka Khan and be taken seriously? Just how? "Hello, I'm the Chief Martial Law Administrator for Pakistan. General Khan. Tikka Khan."
In my opinion Maulvi Tamizuddin is a great name for a male stripper and General Tikka Khan was most probably a distant relative of Mr. Burger.
But this is all a thing of the past- um, in more ways than one- and History is now a subject dead to me. Like Zia-ul-Haq! NO MORE REFORMS EVER EVER EVER AGAIN! Three more exams to go and then I can go into hibernation. Will I make it till then? I don't know. I've started spending nights singing Madonna so chances seem slim.

In far more interesting news, guess what's been happening in Nazimabad? Can't guess? Give up? I'll tell you.
I'm not sure when this happened exactly but it's quite recent. This family had robbers break into their house. The two guys stole all their stuff at gun point and then as they were leaving the family started to scream for help. All these other folk came out of the neighbouring houses and saw the robbers escaping so they ran after them, mobbed them, beat them up... and then set them on fire. No joke.
It started quite a trend, that act, because a few days later I suppose, a minibus was hijacked. This other couple of robbers took all the stuff of the travellers and as they were getting out of the bus, one of them tripped. As soon as that happened the travellers and passer-bys decided to take the matter into their own hands once again and proceeded to grab the burglars and barbecue 'em.

The people involved in this feel they were justified in lighting up the criminals because this is a time of rapid inflation. You can hardly afford stuff anymore and to have robbers take that hard-earned stuff away? Quite unbearable, surely. And it's not like our police force is of much help- they practically support the robberies! So the civilians have decided to do what they gotta do.

I suppose if this were America a story as such must be quite horrifying. But let's face it. This is Pakistan. If you don't like something, feel free to indulge in arson. 'Safety matches' happens to be quite an alien term here.

"You may start your papers now, candidates. Best of luck. I'm a foxy, foxy man oh yeah."

I have deleted that strange, deluded post and am ready to write a new one! I blame lack of sleep for that one.

Anyways, I gave my first EVER EVER O Levels yesterday and three very interesting things came to my attention:
Firstly, my centre for the examinations is DA Public School and let me just say that if I have ever been disparaging of public schools in the lovely city of Karachi, I sincerely apologise (No, I'm not being sarcastic). Hold the ketchup, hold the pickles, I'm eating my words straight up. Because DA is phat! The building is what I speak of, actually. Not only is it kind of HUGE it happens to have a lawn. I know, A LAWN! I have never seen even a patch of grass growing in our school even accidentally, God forbid!
Yet the greenery is not all. This school even has a cafeteria (notice the 'fetaria' after the first two letters instead of a 'nteen'), and a ground twice the size of ours, and air-conditioners and I cannot believe the pathetic existence I have had all this time in this place I call my educational abode. Well, to be honest, I just call it my school. But, you know.
I just cannot believe how stupidly inadequate our school is compared to DA Public School.
No wonder we study and they don't. No wonder.

Secondly, there's the treatment of the candidates in the examination room. They bring in glasses of water for you during the exam! On trays! Honestly! It's like you're in a hotel or like at someone's house oh it is just so relaxing! How nice of the British Council to do so. I guess they're really trying to make amends. Or not, as I'll reveal later...
Also, did you know that you can fully drop your stuff everywhere and the invigilator will come and pick it up for you? Oh yes, he will. I now plan on dropping my pencil case atleast twice at every exam. And do not you dare feel sorry for those invigilators because they are mean! I spent almost every second in both my Second Language Urdu and Islamiyat papers smiling- smiling at my paper, at the window, at the roof, at the invigilators. And not one of them smiled back! In fact, they kind of glared at me!
I guess now my pencil case will feel a little extra suicidal. He he he.

Yes, so they really haven't given up. The British, I mean. Because we have come to the third, very interesting, very scary thing I noticed there.
Did you see? Did you see what the invigilators had to wear? Pardon me, but were we giving our papers at night and was the British Council afraid that we won't be able to see our invigilators properly? Or did the invigilators have to stand in oncoming traffic for their job? Because otherwise there is no reason- no reason at all, believe me- that ANYONE should have to wear those horrid neon-fluorescent-yellow vests made of netting!
Aaaaaaaahhhhh!!! My eyes!!!! HELLO, we're here to give an exam not be blinded by those vests! What is wrong with the British? Why are they still after us? Why must they torture us this way?

But, hmmmm, then again... those invigilators deserve it.

Maybe it's because I didn't eat anything today...

I haven't written in here in ages, as we can tell.
So time for updates:

I fully baked three batches of chocolate cupcakes this week and they all turned out exceptionally nice so aha! The girl's got her skills back!

Other than that, I have discovered a new art! Yes, really. It's called Hot Glue Gun Art due to lack of creativity while devising the name. It's pretty obvious what it's done with but let me explain how. For no other reason than to fill this post up a little. See, what you do is, you take some thick cloth. You wash it. Don't let it dry much, so it's still a bit more than damp. And then you make stuff on it with your hot glue gun and it dries instantly cause of the cloth being wet and then you peel off your glue drawing and there you go: Plastic art.
Isn't that excellent? I know you're going to be all jealous of my discovery and say "Oh, my God, thats' so lame blah blah blah" but I love it. When I flunk my O' Levels and then drop out of school atleast I'll have this skill with me, which will- now that I think about it- really be the reason of my failing the exams because I've been too busy making plastic shit rather than studying.

I finished doing History yesterday and I am just appalled. The British SUCK. I go through this every year when I get to the end of Section B but seriously, why were they such a bitch to Pakistan? We fully deserved Firozpur and Gurdaspur and Calcutta and those losers just handed it all off to INDIA. Lord Mountabatten is so burning in Hell.
And then! And then BBC has the nerve to make documentaries about how after 60 years of independence India has progressed so much further than Pakistan.
Really, BBC? Well who's fault is that, I'd like to know?
And as if that is not enough they go ahead and INVENT THE DAMNED CAMBRIDGE INTERNATIONAL EXAMINATIONS! Like we have not suffered more than necessary already! No, it is not enough that thousands of Muslims die, that our precious land is given to India, that we are still having to deal with the effects of their stupidity, i.e The Kashmir Dispute and the whole canal headworks stuff and are largely economically handicapped because of those fools, NO. Now they have to make Pakistan's youth dent their fragile minds with book after book written by men who are obviously too single to even be human (Do you really think Nigel Kelly can have a wife?) just so we can give a stupid exam THAT THEY MAKE.

I can say I hate them. But that will not show the amount of emotion I feel towards those evil, vengeful British idiots.
And British boys aren't even hot. So, HAH!